“Of course.”
When Teresa goes into the house, Flo reaches down to her stomach to give it a little rub. Some discomfort there, but not bad. She is too thrilled with what has happened to think about much else.
When Teresa came to see her tonight, she asked Flo if it would be okay if she invited her beau over for just a few minutes, to meet her. Flo just gave her a look, and so Teresa called him to come over.
Jim is a big teddy bear of a man with shaggy gray hair and big blue eyes and the sweetest expression on his face, the kind of man you see on the street and justknowhe’s kind. He told Flo about first seeing Teresa, how he just liked her so much right away but felt he had to not give himselfaway too much, didn’t want to scare her. When he said that, he’d taken Teresa’s hand and squeezed it, and Flo saw that Teresa squeezed back. New love. People could be 110 years old and it would still be thrilling, both for the couple and for everyone who witnessed their joy. She had a friend who used to say that love was just so that people would procreate, but it’s not true. Love is so that people have areason.
Jim stayed for about fifteen minutes, just enough time for Flo to look him over good. And he sure enough passed the test.
When Teresa comes out with the afghan, she arranges it over Flo’s lap. “How are you doing, Flo?” she asks.
Flo doesn’t answer right away, but then she says, “Last night I was lying right smack in the center of my bed, which I’ve been doing ever since I had to admit that Terrence wasn’t coming back, not even as a ghost, though I had longed for that, if only he could come back and let me hold his ghostly hand and somehow still feel his warmth.” She looks over at Teresa and smiles. “We used to hold hands in bed from the beginning of us until his end, and oftentimes I would wake up at some ungodly hour of intense dark and quiet and I would squeeze his hand a little and he would always squeeze back. Always. I don’t even know if he was awake when he did that, but he did it and I would fall back asleep, content. In the early days after he died, I swear I used to feel a downward depression on the mattress like he was sitting there to quietly regard me, and it was a comfort. But that stopped after a while and I decided to move to the center of the bed. It is an odd place to sleep if you’re used to sleeping on your own side for so long; you feel like you’resneaking into someone’s tomato garden. But there I was in the middle of the bed, and I was praying to all the saints in heaven that I would be strong and alone when the time came for me to pass over. I wanted to bealone. That’s what I prayed for. I thought it would be better that way, no one upset as you left this world behind. Do you think that’s strange?”
“No,” Teresa says. “I don’t think it’s strange at all. I’m sure you know stories about some people who seem to wait for the room to be empty before they die.”
“Other people, they like to have their family all around them.”
“Yes,” Teresa says.
“I don’t have any family,” Flo says. “But even if I did, I just feel I would like to be alone.”
Teresa sighs.
“What?” Flo asks.
“I’ll miss you. I wish I could ask you to stay longer.”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Wouldyou stay longer? Would you stay as long as you can?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Flo says. “In the meantime, can I ask you to do something?”
“Of course.”
“You take that love from Jim. Even if it doesn’t last. You take it while it’s there. It’s worth the risk. It’s always worth the risk. People don’t always believe that. When I was a girl about twelve years old, I had my first boyfriend. He sure was cute. His name was David. Well, we lasted about three weeks, and I nigh about died when he told me he didn’t likeme anymore. I was crying and crying in my bedroom and my father came in and said, ‘What’s all this?’ I said, ‘David doesn’t like me anymore, and now I’llneverfind another boyfriend!’
“My father came and sat by me on the bed. I was just snuffling away, my face all swollen up red, me squeezing my big stuffed bear up close and tight, and my father said, ‘Yes you will.’ I did not believe him. But of course he was right. I suffered a few more heartbreaks, but then I met Terrence.”
“And if you hadn’t?”
Flo shrugs. “Well, then I wouldn’t have. Most likely I would have met someone else. But luckily I did meet Terrence. And now you’ve met Jim. And I just want you to stick your neck out.”
“Looky here,” Teresa said, and when Flo turned to her, there was her neck plum stuck out as far as it wouldgo.
I’ll sleep tonight, Flo thinks.
In my kitchen cupboard to the right of the sink, in with all the coffee cups, you might notice something. There are two of everything, except for one squat little cup that looks like the bully on the playground—you know, tough because it’s short. It’s a tan color, similar to ones you’ve probably seen hundreds of times. But this one meant a lot to Terrence and me, and sometimes we practically fought over who could be the one to have their coffee in there.
We got that cup in 1961 on a fall day with the leaves so gorgeous you couldn’t stop looking at them. There was no point in trying to work, was my feeling. And lo and behold Terrence said he felt the same way. So he and I just put on our light jackets and our walking shoes and out we went to take in as much of that beauty as we could hold.
At first, we would say things like Look at that RED! or Oh my goodness doesn’t that yellow look just like gold? but finally we stopped talking and we just held hands and walked. We got pooped after a while but we didn’t want to go home quite yet so we stopped in the Anytime Diner and got ourselves a meal. It was the kind of restaurant served breakfast anytime, hence the name, and didn’t we pile on the pigs in blankets. The coffee there was very good and Terrence said he thought it was in part because of the cups. Do you really think so? I asked and he said why sure, and he drained his cup and then he said he would like to have it, and he made like to stuff itunder his jacket. His good sense and his conscience got the better of him and he put the cup back. But he was like a kid looking at the toy he wanted most in the department store window. I told Terrence, Why don’t you ask if you can buy a cup and Terrence allowed as how that was a good idea and he asked George the owner could he please buy a cup, he just liked those cups so much and he sure would like to drink coffee from one of them at home. And do you know, George just gave it to him. Go on, take it, he said, I got a lot of them.
Well we walked home and we both of us just kept on looking at that cup like we’d won a trophy. And because there was only one cup, it became even more special.
But here’s the thing I really want to say.
I sat for the longest time after we got home, just staring at the cup and thinking two things. One, isn’t it amazing what an act of generosity can do to start the wheels turning? And what I did was to make a collection of leaves which I preserved with a glycerin and water bath. I tied a big orange ribbon around it. (And do you know when Terrence came home with that orange ribbon after I sent him to the dime store on an emergency errand because I had a birthday gift wrapped and no ribbon, and then I nearly yelled at him because who would ever use ORANGE ribbon??? It was on sale, he said, and I said well no wonder and he said what and I said nothing.) But that orange ribbon looked as pretty as can be around those leaves and after I had them all arranged I went for a walk with them and I went up to a stranger’s house and tied them to the doorknob and then ran away. I felt very excited like a little kid, my heart just a-pumping. And when I got home I had a cup of coffee in George’s cup and I thought about how someone would findthose leaves and think what the heck?? And they would have a moment of mystery happiness, you know, a surprise where you never find out why and how but you sure enough feel lucky.
