God, she loved this man, even if she wanted to wrap the EKG leads around his neck and choke him.
“Saint.”
“Huh?” He made the noise without glancing away from the screen.
“Saint, look at me.”
He seemed reluctant to turn away from the screen but did as she asked. Worry etched lines into his forehead. Beth reached out and smoothed a finger over the grooves before cupping his cheek.
“Really look at me. I’m okay. They x-rayed my face and ribs. Nothing is broken. You know that. I don’t have any internal bleeding. I spat blood earlier because I have a pulmonary contusion and lots of deep bruising. And yes, it hurts like a son of a bitch, but it’s not serious. The only reason they haven’t discharged me yet is that they want to make sure I don’t have any more trouble breathing because of the lung contusion. But as you said, my oxygen level looks great.”
The intensity in his gaze would have made her uncomfortable if he were any other man. It felt as though he were trying to crack her open and see straight into her soul. To see every part of her, even those she’d never let anyone else have. But she wanted it with him. She wanted to grow so close to him that it felt like they were one.
“I’m okay,” she whispered, sweeping a thumb across his lower lip. “You can relax.”
He leaned in, resting their foreheads together. “Baby…” The agony in his voice slayed her.
“I know,” she whispered.
He shook his head against her. “You can’t. You can’t possibly know.”
She stroked his hair, sifting her fingers through the soft strands. “So tell me.”
He pulled back so they could see each other better. Then he took her hand, his big one swallowing hers like he was afraid she might vanish if he let go. He swallowed hard, jaw working. His eyes were red-rimmed, bloodshot, not from tears, but from hours of refusing to let them fall.
“When Screw called and told me you were missing…” His breath hitched, sharp and distressed. “It felt like someone took a crowbar to my chest and kept prying until they cracked it wide open. I couldn’t fucking breathe. The world tilted the wrongway, and I was suddenly facing the possibility of standing in it without you.”
His grip intensified. Protective. Desperate.
Beth’s throat closed completely. Her eyes burned. She couldn’t have spoken if her life depended on it, so she just held on tighter, letting him know she was here, she was listening, and she wasn’t going anywhere.
“I was terrified,” he admitted. The word dragged out of him as though it hurt to say. “Not scared. Not worried. Fucking terrified. I’ve only been that terrified one other time in my life. The night Makenna and I took our siblings and ran from the cult.”
Oh God.
“I know what kind of monsters lurk out there, and the thought of one of them putting a hand on you…” His voice broke. He looked away, jaw clenching so hard she could see the muscle jump. When he looked back, his eyes were wet. “It broke something in me, Beth. Something I didn’t know could break.”
He leaned in, dropping his forehead to her shoulder. She rubbed his back and kissed his temple, the only thing she could think to soothe him.
“I was so fucking, angry, Beth. I’ve been angry before, but this, this was different. This was clean, pure, and murderous. There wasn’t anything in me except the need to find you. To get to you. To end anyone who stood between you and me.”
His voice dropped to a whisper, thick with promise and pain.
“I didn’t care about the consequences. I didn’t care about blood. I didn’t care if I came back. The only thing that mattered was you,isyou. I was ready to tear the world apart piece by piece if that’s what it took.”
He lifted his head. His eyes were wet now, and he didn’t try to hide it.
“My brothers kept me from spiraling out of control. They brought me back to earth and helped me get to you. And when I saw you…” His voice cracked before he pressed his lips together, fighting for control. “Bruised, hurt, tied to that fucking chair, and still so fucking brave.” A sound came out of him, not quite a laugh, not quite a sob. “Relief hit me so hard my knees almost gave out.” His thumb brushed her skin in a reverent sweep.
“There is nothing…nothing… I wouldn’t do to keep you safe. No line I wouldn’t cross. No darkness I wouldn’t run into. You are it for me, Beth. You’re my anchor, my reason, and losing you…” His voice cracked. His face crumpled for just a second before he caught it, and that single moment of almost-breaking undid her completely.
“I’m here,” she said quickly, cupping his face, pulling him close. “I’m here, I’m alive, and I’m going to walk out of here hand in hand with you. And I’m going to go home with you. And get into bed with you.”
He nodded. “Christ, Beth, I saw a version of myself I always suspected existed but never had to meet. I now know what I’m capable of, and there is no limit when it comes to you.”
“Does it give you any second thoughts? About me? Or us?”
“Fuck no.” He kissed her, hard. “Never. You hear me? Not for a fraction of a second. I fucking love you, and there isn’t anything that can change that.”
