She patted my hand in a way that told me she didn’t believe me but didn’t harbor any resentment. “Good night, honey. Thank you for helping out your brother. Now you go and try to get some sleep.” She cast a worried look Kenny’s way.
“He’ll be okay. He’s on his side in case he vomits. Now he needs to sleep it off.” Her forehead wrinkled as she stared at him.“He’s going to feel awful in the morning.” Moisture glistened in her eyes, threatening to spill over her cheeks.
I snorted. “Good.”
“Alex…” She sighed out a heavy, weight-of-the-world breath. Then she shook her head and squeezed my hand. “You’re a good son and a good brother.”
“Do you need help getting into bed?” I asked as she turned her wheelchair and started down the hallway.
“No. I can manage tonight. I’ve had a lot of nervous energy since you got home with Kenny.”
She’d been dozing in her chair when I burst through the door with my unconscious brother over my shoulder. Of course, she hadn’t been asleep in bed. Nothing had gone my way tonight, so why wouldn’t she be present to witness Kenny’s state while passed out and bloody? Her tears broke my heart and fanned the flames of fury at Kenny’s thoughtlessness and stupidity.
“Goodnight, Mom.”
“Goodnight, honey. Don’t forget to make things right with your friend tomorrow.”
“I will,” I whispered as she rolled down the hallway, then into her room. The door clicked shut, and my shoulders slumped. Suddenly, the weight of the night came crashing down on me with so much force that I almost collapsed to my knees.
I’d had to leave work early.
My car broke down.
Kenny was a mess.
Mom was upset.
I’d have to fix all of those things. It’s what I did. Each task represented time, energy, and money I didn’t have to spare.
Worst of all, I’d screamed at the one person who’d been on my side.
I was an asshole.
Kenny’s gentle snores reverberated through the otherwise quiet house. He’d be safe there on the couch until he awoke feeling like trash.
As I stood in the center of the living room with my arms limp at my sides, a numbness washed over me. Shame over upsetting my mother left, anger over my out-of-commission vehicle faded, and worry for Kenny evaporated. Even guilt over the way I treated Ryder vanished. My chest felt hollow, as though someone had scooped out everything inside.
I couldn’t move.
As awful as those other feelings had been, this was a hundred times worse. I was empty. I didn’t even feel human.
And I hated it.
My gaze drifted to my cell phone, lying face down on the floor near the door.
Kenny uttered something unintelligible in a nasally mumble.
The walls began to close in, shrinking down until it felt like I was in a box so small I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t be there.
After glancing at my brother, I grabbed the phone and ran from my house.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
RYDER
Why couldn’t I shake what happened at Alex’s house?
