“Let’s go,” he said.
“Wait—” I caught him by his wrists before he could release my face. “I… we don’t get along. Most of the time, I don’t even like him. But this…” I shook my head as shame gripped my throat. “I’d never want something like this for him, but I’m still angry at him. What kind of person does that make me?”
“Oh, baby…” He yanked me into a bone-crushing hug, surrounding me with his warmth and strength, exactly what I needed. “Of course you didn’t. I’d never think that of you for a second. Just because something tragic happened doesn’t change who he was or that you had a complicated relationship. That’s all still valid, but it doesn’t mean you don’t want the best for him. Okay?”
God, this man, how did he always know exactly what to say? What the hell would have happened if he hadn’t been with me when I got the call?
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Always.” He released me, then gave me a thorough once-over with his assessing gaze. “You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
Hand in hand, we walked to a bank of elevators. I had no idea which floor he pushed or if anyone else joined us in the elevator. All I could do was stare at the slit where the doors joined and feel the strength of Alex’s hand clutching mine.
“We’re here,” he said in a low tone when the doors slid open.
I felt numb, as though he was guiding me through a sensory deprivation tunnel while he led me out of the elevators and down a short hallway.
“Hey,” he said, concern marring his voice.
I blinked. A set of closed double doors came into focus.
“I can’t go in with you.”
“What?” Panic clawed at my throat. “Why not?”
He pointed to a white sign on the wall above a mounted phone. It readTwo visitors at a time. Immediate family only. Use the phone to give the receptionist the name and room number.
Shit.
“I can’t—”
“Shh…” Alex kissed the side of my head. “You can. And I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?” He pointed left, where a small waiting area with four vinyl chairs and a fuzzy television playing the local news awaited him.
I shook my head. “Alex, your mom. You can’t—”
His expression hardened to the most serious I’ve ever seen from him, even as his eyes radiated with something profound.Something I was terrified to hope for because it might crush me if I misread him.
“I said I will be here, Ryder. I. Will. Be. Here.”
I nodded, and he kissed me hard, then turned to the phone. A few seconds after, he picked it up and said, “Ryder Calloway for the patient in room six. I’m his son.” Silence and then, “Thank you.”
As soon as he hung up, the doors began to open at a snail’s pace. My pulse pounded in my ears so loudly I almost missed his final, “You got this.” But I could never overlook the press of his lips against mine.
I probably should have thanked him or reassured him I wouldn’t collapse or puke all over the floor, but my mouth wouldn’t work anymore. I walked straight through the double doors, feeling like a pirate’s captive walking the plank to my doom. Every step I took brought me closer to a situation I didn’t yet understand but knew would be bad.
The ICU had the distinct odor of disinfectant and despair. High-pitched beeping came from all directions, some short and staccato, while others were drawn out or in multiples. The air felt charged with anxiety and fear. I struggled to force my gaze to the left, where the rooms were, instead staring straight ahead at a bustling nurses’ station. If I didn’t look, I couldn’t see anything devastating.
“Mr. Calloway?”
I startled, then glanced down to find a five-foot-nothing perky woman in maroon scrubs. She had her blonde hair tied up in a neat bun and hideous white rubber shoes. A medical mask hid most of her facial features, except for her eyes, which shone with compassion.
“Um, yeah. That’s me. But you can call me Ryder.”
“Come with me, Ryder. I’m Avery, and I’m the nurse taking care of your father until seven o’clock tonight.”
I followed as she continued to speak.
