That stings.
I set my phone on the bedside table on the charging mat. I push back against the headboard and close my eyes, tension pulsing between us. “I don’t want us to fight when I get home.”
When she doesn’t respond, I clench my jaw. She won’t cut me any slack, will she?Damn it!
“I mean it, Jayne. I really can’t walk into this house and have another night like tonight. It throws me off.”
She turns her head to look at me, her face half in shadow from my bedside lamp. “Throws you off?”
“You know what I mean.” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I just…these conversations are exhausting. I’ve got people depending on me tomorrow. If I’m distracted?—”
“I understand,” she cuts me off softly.
“Jayne,” I snap, frustrated. “I’m trying to apologize here.”
She closes her eyes, shuts me out. “No, Rhys, you’re not.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Because she’s right. I’m not apologizing.
I wanted to say I’m sorry I forgot. I wanted to say I’ll do better. But somewhere between the guilt and the defensiveness, it turned into a speech about my work, my exhaustion, my needs.
I turn off my lamp and lie on my back. I stare at the ceiling. I’m cold even though the heat’s on.
“I don’t want to fight.” My voice is rough.
“Okay,” she whispers.
I listen to her breathing even out, steady and distant, like waves receding from the shore.
Tomorrow, I’ll open a man’s chest and keep him alive.
Tomorrow, I’ll be decisive, confident, in control.
Tomorrow, I’ll be the man everyone at Camden Memorial looks up to.
But tonight, lying next to my wife in this beautiful house, I’ve never felt more powerless in my life.
As I hear her slide into sleep, a part of me wants to reach out to her, hold her, kiss her, make love to her…connect with her.
But I don’t.
She’s angry with me, and she’ll probably push meaway. Like hell I’m going to add rejection to the pile of regrets I already carry.
It’s better this way, I decide.
Tomorrow, she’ll calm down.
I’ll calm down.
Things will be back to normal.
This is how marriages work, right? People get upset, and then they get over it.
She’ll move on.
She always does.
CHAPTER 3
