I kissed a woman the day after getting off to a woman in porn. It’s been less than 24 hours of realizing that I might not be straight.What the fuck is my life?
I have to be insane, right? This feels so insane. The car stops and it takes me a second to realize that we’re at the building that I’m currently living in. I thank the man and make my way into the apartment like a zombie. My phone is silent, which is concerning because they’re probably trying to figure out what to do with me. They’re going to fire me. It's so obvious.
I didn’t even come out or ask her or anything. I just… kissed her.
Shit, this is so bad.
But I think she kissed back. Which I wasn’t expecting in the slightest. It was... I really liked it. I’d like to do more of it.
As soon as I step foot into the apartment and shuck off my shoes, I’m curling up in my bed, trying to use the white sheets as a shield as I bring my phone to my ear and call my sister.
I’m the youngest of three. Well, only by three minutes. My sister, Lucy, has told me many times that they were the best three minutes of her life. But I like to think Lucy knows when I’ve done something spectacularly fucked up like this.
When it takes her more than a few minutes to answer, a worry digs its way into my brain. What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? But it’s also midday, so she’s at work, and she may not be able to answer.
Positive thoughts, Taylor. You’re already spiraling.
“You better have a good reason for calling me today,” she snaps into the phone and there’s a tightness in my chest. Sniffling, I try to wipe my eyes without her hearing. “Shit, Taylor, do I need to fly out?”
“No,” I say, tears pooling in my eyes. Everything that’s exposed to oxygen stings. Maybe it’s all poison.
Where is my emotional support water bottle? “Then, what’s going on?” she asks softly.
“I think I’m going to be fired,” I whimper. “I won’t be a professional hockey player after this week.”
She makes a noise of dissent. “How? You have a contract and there's no proposed trades at this time. You’re so close to the start of the season.”
“I kissed a coworker,” I whimper again.
She’s silent for a minute. “Wait, what?” she asks. “No, Taylor. I think I didn’t hear you correctly. You kissed a coworker?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“How?”
“Very passionately, shirtless, in the locker room. After I knocked her to the ice during a drill.”
“Wait—shirtless? Taylor, what the actual hell are you talking about? You kissed a coworker? Since when did you like girls? I thought you were—”
“Winnie, um,” I sniffle, “Winnie thinks that I may have been compulsory heterosexual. I think that she’s right because I think I’ve always liked looking at women.”
She sighs heavily. “I mean, I’m sorry to not be so shocked, but no shit, Tay. You thought Daphne was hot when we were eight.”
I blink. “Is she not? You’re going to tell me that the purple skirt and the red hair didn’t do it for you? You knew?”
“Of course I did. You drooled over her every chance we watched Scooby Doo. But no, the characterdesign did nothing for me because I’m very straight.”
I’m caught on the drooling part. I don’t remember that other than enjoying looking at her, which I guess could have been a crush. “I did that?”
“Yeah, and with Rosie coming around to the holidays and family reunions, I thought you were just using Frank as a beard until you felt comfortable to let Mom and Dad know that any of their grandchildren will spring solely from James’ dick.”
“Ew,” I mutter. “A beard?”
“Yeah, so consider how surprised I was when I realized that you and Rosie weren’t together and Frank was actually your fiancé when you caught him cheating last month.”
My brain stops. That was only a month ago? Why does that now feel like ages?Goodness me.
“You thought Rosie and I were together?” I whisper. The thought of it makes me wonder if on some cellular level, we were. That we were more a couple than Frank and I ever were.
