“Okay, fine. But a changing linemate and dumping a cheating fiancé are not the same.”
“But in your brain, they are. It’s a sudden change from the norm. It’s alright to struggle with changes in routine.” She’s gentle when she says it.
Something clicks in my head.
“Oh. Is that why I was so mean to Eloise?”
She hums. “Maybe, but this is another situation that is going to make you need to try some new exercises to work through the stress.”
“Well, what if I never go through sudden change again?” I ask, and she chuckles.
“Taylor, you can’t stop things from changing around you. It’s a part of life.”
I bury my face in my knees, muttering, “I don’t like it.”
“No one does, and that’s okay.” I catch the tail end of her smile. “So, let’s talk about what tools you may need to get through this if I’m not available at the moment.”
“Well, don’t say that.”
“I’m not going to be in your pocket every time something new happens, Taylor, and that’s okay. Therapy is to make sure that you can function and work through problems without me.”
I scrunch my nose at the thought. “Alright, fine. What should I be looking at doing?”
“Accepting change comes with time. Flexibility is hard for someone with ADHD sometimes, and making sure you’re creating an open mind is important—”
“Wait… ADHD?”
She stops, and I can see the colour draining from her face. “Yes?”
I shake my head, chuckling, “I don’t have ADHD.”
Her mouth shapes into a small o. “You haven’t been tested?”
“I don’t have it,” I push, more insistent. “I got through school with decent grades. I made every hockey team I was on. I was successful. I—”
“Did you go for lots of walks during school, particularly when you were older?” I nod. “Do you sometimes find yourself answering questions that have nothing to do with the conversation at hand?”
I bite my lip. “Not recently.”
“Can you focus for long periods of time on a subject that doesn’t catch your interest?”
“No, but no one can,” I say, and she nods.
“You’re sensitive to sudden changes in routine, you’re a professional athlete who struggled with sitting still in class, and you struggle with focusing on subjects you’re not interested in,” she says it slowly, like I’m thick. “Taylor, I think I’d like to talk to you more about this in our next session, and I’ll bring a test along to see if I’m wildly off-base,” she says. “But I think you’redealing with undiagnosed ADHD.”
“I’m 27.”
“A lot of women learn to work around their ADHD growing up, and because it doesn’t often present itself the same way in girls as it does boys, it takes a while for it to be noticed. But this is something that we can work with.”
I cross my arms. “Was I unworkable before?”
She smiles through an amused huff. “No, Taylor, of course not. But I think this could help explain a few things you may be struggling with.”
Oh.
“Okay. So, next session?”
“Well yes, but before you go, let’s talk about those tools for the flight and any other changes you may experience.”
