“You also have to be friends with Eloise; there’s no way this works unless you’re at least friendly with her.” I try to keep my scowl under wraps as she closes the car door and walks away.
I sit for a few more moments before opening my phone. The email is still sitting in my drafts, making me uncomfortable with the blinking. It’s like the email is judging me for waiting.
I could have sworn that I was doing okay. I’ve processed things, I’m sure of it.
But I guess maybe not. Not if I’m struggling with talkingto someone who is going to help me.
Someone who actively wants to see me do better.
Not just for the good of the team but for me as well. Tears sting my eyes, and furiously, I blink them away. The email blinks back at me from myscreen.
The phrasing makes me nauseous.
I think I need help.
Do I actually?Yes, I do. I’m not totally fine.
I sign the email and send it, not wanting to look it in the eye.
The response is faster than I expected.
There’s a blue link that makes my stomach drop. She wants to meet now? What if I had plans? What if I—? No, she knows my schedule; she’s the team’s therapist. Of course, she knows what’s going on and what I’ve gone through professionally.
I take a deep breath, letting it rattle through my teeth as I click the link.
No going back.
She blinks onto my screen with a brilliant smile. I feel blinded as I get settled into the car seat. I may be here for a while. “Taylor, I’m happyto see you,” she says warmly.
Of course she’s warm. She’d be a shitty therapist if she were cold.
“You are?”
She nods. “Of course, I’ve been meaning to check in with you with all the changes around the rink. There’s been a lot that’s happened since June.”
I nod, a little dumbstruck.
“Is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk about?”
“That’s it?” I ask, and she nods, eyes wide and crinkled in the corners. She’s got a few grey hairs that thread through her hair, framing her face. “I tell you what I want to talk about?”
“Well, I’m not a mind reader,” she teases gently. “But it’s a conversation. We talk and figure out tools that you can use when you’re going through life.”
My heart thuds. I’m sure she can see the way I’m processing every thought, the way the gears are turning in my head. “So I can talk about anything?”
“Whatever you want.”
“So if I wanted to talk about how I’m dealing with a new teammate...”
“It stays within the confines of our sessions. No one else knows about it.”
“So, losing Rosie,” I let it hang. I don’t know how to continue.
“Have you spoken to her since she moved?” I shake my head. “Do you want to start there?”
“I guess.”
She waits for a moment, waiting presumably for me to make the first move, which is awkward, and I hate it. “It’s been almost a month, and she hasn’t spoken to me at all, which sucks, because I thought we were really close.” It spills out of me fast. Like a dam that’s opened, and I can’t shut it. “I could have sworn we were best friends, but now I don’t think so, and Eloise is here, and I hate working with her because she’s so competent, and I just want Rosie back.”
