And she’s also mentioned it several times now that she isn’t the reason my life has gone to shit, and I guess she’s right. Do I hate that? Yeah, of course I do. I like having someone as a scapegoat.
I guess I should be using Frank as the scapegoat, but that seems too convenient, and I really, really don’t want to think about his smug face.
“Are you seeing the therapist?” Brynn asks, startling me out of my thoughts.
I scrunch my nose up at the question. “Yeah, of course.”
“How’s she doing?”
“Oh, you know, she’s good.”I don’t fucking know. “Having a great off-season, ready for us to win the Walter.”
She hums as we drive for a bit longer. Only a few more minutes.Ugh, traffic. “What homework is she giving you to work through everything?”
“Deep breathing, talking, more therapy. You know, the usual.” Her eyebrow raises. I can see it in the mirror. She must be onto me. I’m so shit at lying.
“And have you been?”
“Do you think I would lie to you?” I ask.Yes.
She looks at me for a moment, her dark brown eyes boring holes into my soul, before returning her gaze to the road. “And how is Eloise?”
I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. “She’s good. You saw her tonight.”
“I watched her run to the bathroom looking like she was going to lose her mind tonight.”
I shrug. “That’s just Eloise.”
She grunts, turning into the parking lot under her building. We don’t get out though and instead sit in the car for a moment longer. I think we’re running out of oxygen with the way she’s looking at the wall of the parking space.
“You know you shouldn’t be lying to me, right?”
I nod. “Why would you assume I am?”
“Because the therapist doesn’t just recommend deep breathing and talking. There’s intentional practice you have to do in order to acknowledge and work through your shit.” She turns to me, and my gut drops.
“Well, you know I’m so new at it.”
“And you haven’t gone once.”
I bite my tongue. There’s no reason to keep lying. “When did you work it out?”
“I had an inkling for a while; the bullshit with Eloise is just the icing on the cake at this point, Tay.” She sighs, running a hand through her hair, and I have to stop myself from watching the way her biceps flex.
“But Eloise and I—”
“You have to get your shit together. I can’t go up to bat for you without you putting in some effort.” Her eyes narrow, and the brown is slowly growing darker, like a pool I’ll never get up from. “If you don’t change something soon, then management is going tobe looking at other options.”
My blood runs cold. “So, because I’m not okay, they’re going to trade me?”
“Not yet, but maybe.” She bites her lip. The pause is impregnable. My heart thuds. “You and Eloise are going to be a great line, a wicked line. Winnie’s ready for you two, but if you make anything about this more difficult than it has to be, or you decide to jeopardize the relationship with Eloise, then you won't be with us for much longer, and that’s your support system gone.”
My blood is both hot and ice in my veins, my cheeks are on fire. The idea of losing Brynn, Winnie, even Rory when she hangs out with us, makes my stomach drop.
“So, I—”
“You get with the program. Take care of yourself. You have the resources, and you’re lucky that you’re in a position to do this.” She places a hand on my leg, burning me. “I want you here with us so we can win the Walter.”
I have to swallow the bile rising in my throat. She pats my leg before getting out of the car, and I’m stuck here.
