Does she want me to…?How are we supposed to act?
“We figured it was safer to meet in public,” I say, clearing my throat. Winnie is coming up behind Brynn with wide eyes and a smile that is taking over her whole face. I stare at her, trying to get her to leave us alone for a minute, but she comes closer.
Taylor takes this time to wrap an arm around my neck and pull me flush against her body.
My whole body is like an inferno.
Winnie slams a drink down in front of me, sitting beside Brynn, and I drink it quickly, not eventasting the alcohol that’s in it. My breath is shaky, and my heartbeat is thundering through my ears. I’m going to have to sit on my hands to make sure she doesn’t realize how much this is affecting me.
I can feel her breath fanning across my cheek, and my heartbeat stops with each caress.
The world around us is slowing to a crawl, and holy fuck, I don’t think I noticed how beautiful this woman is, the way her eyelashes fan and her eyes look vibrant in the afternoon light. The smattering of freckles and her dark blonde hair catch my gaze, and her floral perfume is light enough that I can only smell it this close to her, but it smells like home.
Fuck me. I’m never getting over this crush.
How inconvenient.
“Public, eh?” Winnie says, smiling a shit-eating grin at the two of us, and I nod, my brain stuttering back into gear. “What have you tried doing?”
“Bowling,” I say without thinking.
Brynn and Winnie look at each other for a second before bursting into peels of laughter. Taylor removes her arm from my shoulders to hold her ribs as she laughs too, making my cheeks heat up, and I laugh awkwardly as I watch them. Winnie gasps for breath, wiping tears from her eyes.I didn’t think I was that funny.
Winnie tries to be serious for a moment. “Shit, El, sorry. We were talking about the pros of going bowling on a date just last week, and well—”
“There were differing opinions,” Brynn says, catching her breath.
Taylor places her hand on my leg for a brief moment, but it sears itself into my skin. I’m going to have to check to make sure that I’m not scarred before our next practice. I move myself back, not wanting to spook her, and make excuses before going to the bathroom.
The swooping feeling of my emotions, the way she feels beside me, the complete whiplash between earlier this week and now, I don’t know how to process it. My ribs must be bruised from the inside with the way my heart is trying to break free. My hands are shaking as I set them on the counter, breathing deeply, trying to get my reactions in check before I go back out there. The way I’m lying to Brynn is making my body revolt against me.
Every cell, every fibre of my being is telling me that this is a surefire way to lose my new family. I have a family that doesn’t know everything, that doesn’t understand why hockey means so much to me. They told me to quit hockey and use my degree.
The ones who wanted their daughters to be dainty and lovely and not gay.
Well, my sister is bi, but they can’t handle a raging lesbian daughter.
I—fuck.
I need to calm down; I can’t think about them right now.It’s going to do nothing else other than hurt me. Ihear a knock on the door, and a flash of panic that flows through me as Taylor peeks in.
Her brows are furrowed as her green eyes pass over me. She’s got this tight black skirt on and a flowy white top and everything about the woman has me losing my fucking mind. “What’s wrong?”
“We are. We’re lying to Brynn,” I say, my breath coming out in short bursts.
“She won’t know. She believed everything we’ve said.”
“No, she’s going to ask, and I’m going to mess up, and I can’t mess this up, Taylor,” I pause. “Why do we have to do this? Why can’t we actually just hang out?” The last word comes out in a whine, and I can’t—I don’t—I don’t know how much more of the lying I can take.
“Because…” she says.
I’m going to scream. “Because, why? I know you got injured, and I’ve apologized; I know that you lost your partner and I’m trying to build a new partnership; I know that you caught your fiancé cheating on you, and I shared my woes, butI’mnot the reason why you’re so fucking miserable.Youare.” Her eyes narrow, gaze hardening as I gasp for breath. “You cannot blame me for your life spiralling.”
“I don’t blame you for everything.”
The laugh that escapes me is maniacal. “Well, what the fuck are you doing, because I’m your scapegoat. Everything bad that’s happened to you is somehow my fault, and now we’re lying to Brynn, and Ijust met her in a setting where we are colleagues. I don’t have the social capital to do this!”
“Do what?”
