“It’s not a big deal.” He nudged her hand away when she tried to peek under the gauze on his elbow.
“It is a big deal! How did this happen?” She cast an accusing look at Norma and Gloria.
“I slipped when I was trying to fix a security camera outside Vero’s window. I lost my balance,” he explained. “It wasn’t anybody’s fault.”
His mother took a surprised step back. She blinked once, and the hardness returned to her face. She rounded on Norma and Gloria. “It’s bold of you to ask my son to make repairs when this isn’t even his house! Where’s Ramón? Why didn’t you askhimto do it?”
“My son had to work. He went back to his shop,” Gloria said.
“So you decided it would be okay to take mine?”
Javi rolled his eyes.
“Heofferedto help,” Norma said.
“And look what he got for his trouble. A trip to the hospital and a broken leg! The least you could have done was hold the ladder.”
“What ladder?” Javi’s question stole all the oxygen from the room.
Silence fell like a hammer.
Shame colored her cheeks.
Javi’s face hardened. “Why were you in Vero’s bedroom?”
Regina’s answer burst out of her, like she’d been holding it in foryears. “I needed to know, Javi! I needed to know why you always pick them over your own mother! I walked all the way back here that night because I wanted to try again… to say the right thing. I never seem to know what to say to you!” she cried, her voice trembling. “I’m always messing things up. Making them worse. I was going to knock on the door. But then I saw you through the window, sitting at their table, eating their food, just like you did when you were young. I hated it! Every day, you would get off the school bus and go straight to Norma and Gloria’s. You wouldn’t come home. Not for dinner. Not to sleep. Not even to talk to me about your day.”
“I don’t remember you looking for me.” He glared up at her from his chair, his knuckles white on the table. “Where were you when I got off the bus? Not waiting for me at home, that’s for sure. Where were you when it was time for all those dinners you say I missed? I was lucky if there was any food in the house!” His jaw clenched, and he spoke the next part through his teeth. “And you sure as hell weren’t home to put me to bed at night, so don’t lie and tell me how sad you were that I wasn’t there for you. You’re right about one thing. I did pick Ramón’s family over you. Because they cared about me, while you were too busy going home with whoever was paying your bar tab to handle your own responsibilities.”
Javi’s mother looked stricken. “I was lonely!”
“And I was just a kid!”
“And now you’re a man who ran off and got married and didn’t even tell his own mother!” she shouted. Her chest heaved with emotion as they stared at each other.
He looked at her with unfiltered disgust. “Is that what you were doing in Vero’s bedroom? Eavesdropping?”
“I heard you talking about your wedding in Atlantic City while you were having your happy little family dinner! How else was I going to know what’s going on in your life? You weren’t going to tellme.” Her voice hitched. “It’s like you’re not even my son anymore. They stole you away from me.”
“They didn’t steal anything from you that you ever actually wanted.”
“That’s not fair,” she said, shaking with emotion. “You can’t possibly understand. I was barely nineteen when you came tearing out of me. When the doctors told me it was time to take you home, I thought they were kidding!” Her joyless laugh sounded more like a sob. “You were this tiny, helpless thing, and I was too young. I didn’t know how to take care of a baby. I hardly knew how to take care of myself! I did the best I could with what I had, but some days, it was all just too much! I’m not good at this, Javi!” Her face contorted with humiliation and anguish. She gestured around her as tears streamed down her face. “I’m not like them. I’m notgoodat being a mother. I could never figure out what you wanted when you cried or what to do when you were sick. I’m a terrible cook. And I couldn’t help you with your homework because I didn’t know the answers myself! It was all I could do most days to drag myself out of bed and go to work! Why rush home at the end of my shift when you had a family like Ramón’s that was happy to look after you? You had a bed to sleep in here and all the hot meals you could eat. You had two mothers who took care of you and kept you out of trouble. It was more than I ever had. And more than I could give you. I couldn’t compete with that,” she cried. “I didn’t even try. It was better for you here. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to lose you to them. I did want you, Javi,” she said in a small, shattered voice. “I just didn’t know how to be what you needed.”
Javi stared at her, deep lines cutting into his brow.
“I’m sorry I broke your window,” she said to Norma and Gloria. “Let me know how much it cost to repair.”
She turned for the door when Javi didn’t speak, and I ached forher. I could tell by Norma’s and Gloria’s downturned mouths they ached for her, too. Parenting was hard, even with a partner. Mothering alone was a hell most people couldn’t comprehend. I couldn’t imagine going through it as a teenager. There was no textbook, no manual that came with the job. It didn’t excuse her choices, but it helped me to understand them.
Javi reached for his crutch and stumbled to his feet. “Mom,” he called after her.
Regina paused at the sound of that word on Javi’s lips. She slowly turned around, a heartrending hope in her eyes as Javi leaned on his crutch and started toward her. She met him halfway and fell against his chest. He put an arm around her, to steady himself as much as to hold her up. She squeezed him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder as her chest racked with quiet sobs. “I’ll take care of the window,” he whispered into her hair as she cried. He held her until her tears gave way to sniffles. She dried her cheeks on her sleeve and handed him his other crutch, making sure he was steady on his feet before letting him go.
“Will you stay here?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I have a job and a place to live in Virginia. Vero does, too.”
Regina nodded, as if she’d expected this much.
