Ramin’s dick lurched at the thought. He bit his lip.
“Then when it was done, he got up and was like ‘Thanks’ and just left.”
“That’s really hot,” Ramin whispered. He imagined himself in that guy’s place, getting on his knees, worshipping Noah the way he deserved, and—
“It didn’t feel like it. It felt like being used.”
Ramin’s mouth went dry.
Of course it did. Noah was a person, not just a dick. He deserved to be treated better. Ramin swallowed back his shame. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it that way.”
“It’s fine.”
It wasn’t fine, but Noah shook his head and kept going. “I asked him out after. Told him I was bi. He got this look on his face. He said if he’d known I wasn’t straight he wouldn’t have gone for it. That it wasn’t nearly as hot.”
Anger reared up in Ramin’s chest. What kind of asshole says things like that?Doesthings like that?
“That’s fucked up. I’m sorry.”
Noah shrugged.
“Was it like that for the other guy, too?”
“Worse. It was another guy at Hollister, actually…”
Ramin wished he’d known to shop at the Metro North Hollister back then. Maybe he and Noah could’ve run into each other all those years ago. Maybe he could’ve shown Noah that not all guys were assholes. That there were guys out there who’d like him for every part of him.
But then, if they had, Noah wouldn’t have had Jake, and he knew without a doubt Noah would never want that.
“This guy actually saw me changing one day, and he started acting weird, and then said he wanted to compare, and ended up giving me a handjob. But when I tried to touch him, he jerked away, said he wasn’t gay, said it was just an experiment, and he never talked to me again. He quit a few days later. Didn’t even give notice. At least I got overtime for covering his shifts.”
“Fuck him. Fuck both of them.” Ramin pulled himself closer to Noah. “You deserved a lot better. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”
“It’s fine. Lots of people had it worse than me.”
“It wasn’t fine. That first guy was super biphobic, and the second guy was just a dick. And not the good kind.”
Noah giggled at that. Giggled, like a little kid, all high pitched and everything. Ramin had never heard anything like it. Now he knew where Jake got his laugh from.
“But still,” Noah said, “I’m a white, bisexual, cisgender man. I’m sure you’ve dealt with—”
“That doesn’t matter,” Ramin said. Noah acted like he wasn’t allowed to be hurt. Or worse, deserved it. “I’m glad you have the perspective to understand your privilege, but that doesn’t make what happened okay. It doesn’t mean you don’t get to be upset.”
Noah furrowed his brow, but finally nodded.
“Good. Also, I hope you know I’m not keeping track of orgasms like… like some sort of point system.”
“But—”
Ramin put a finger on Noah’s lips. Noah kissed the pad of it, but Ramin didn’t let himself get distracted.
“Whatever this is between us…” Whatwasit? They’d spent the last two nights together. They’d kissed and had sex, and apparently Noah wanted more.
But Noah had also just confessed he was inexperienced with guys. And his two prior experiences had both used him. Was Ramin truly any better than them? He’d been lusting after Noah half his life.
Shame at his own behavior warred with tenderness for Noah, a desire to protect him.
He’d sort that out later.
