She finally locked her phone and put it away to look at Noah.
“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just…”
“Just what?” Noah was proud of himself for keeping his voice even and not lashing out in return. His therapist would say he was allowed to be angry back. But what kind of example did that set for Jake?
“Jake’s life could be full here. With Nonno and Nonna. With a fresh start. He could learn another language, he could visit all of Europe, he could go to school without worrying about guns.”
Yeah, that all sounded amazing. Especially that last point. When Noah thought about that, he was ready to sign Jake up for school here himself.
“I don’t know how to say this without sounding mean, so I apologize in advance, but, Noah… you don’t exactly have friends back home. You don’t talk to your parents. You just go to work and go to the gym and come home, and your whole life is just Jake, Jake, Jake. You’re going to smother him, and you’re going to burn yourself out, and I worry about you. You’re lonely, and our son can’t be the solution to that. It’s not fair to him.”
Noah wanted to argue with her, but the knife she’d stuck in his heart was lodged too deep. It was one thing to think it to himself, but to hear Angela say it? How pathetic must he seem? No wonder she wanted Jake to move with her.
“That’s not…” Noah began, but then Ramin stepped into the room, carrying a tray with tiny cups of espresso.
“Nonno thought you might like some,” he said, way too brightly.
He must’ve overheard some of the conversation. But he didn’t react, didn’t do anything but smile his dimply smile at Angela as she took a cup, before turning it on Noah. It wasn’t just his smile, it was his lake-green eyes, which were so full of kindness, Noah wanted to hide.
He wanted to hide and he wanted to pull Ramin out into the rain and do unspeakable and inappropriate things together, things Ramin wasn’t ready for because he was still getting over his heartbreak, and maybe he didn’t find Noah attractive the way Noah found him attractive anyway.
Instead, he managed to grunt out a “Thank you.” He dropped a lump of sugar into his cup, gave it a stir, and took a sip. Some part of him registered that it was good, the roast dark but not too bitter, the crema nice and foamy, but he was too worried about Jake, too hurt from arguing with Angela, too worried she was right to taste much else.
“There’s more if you want some,” Ramin said, turning back, but he paused. His voice brightened. “Oh. Jake! You feeling better?”
In a flash, Noah was crouching next to his son, feeling his forehead. “Hey, buddy. You all better?”
Jake nodded. And then he let out another big burp.
Noah thought he was going to run back for the bathroom. But he just excused himself and asked if he was in trouble.
“Of course not. As long as you feel okay, that’s all that matters,” Angela said. But she pulled out her phone to glance at it, then nodded at Noah. “We’d better get going, though.”
The rain had blown out, though the roads were still wet, misting Noah’s face on the ride back into town. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the coolness on his skin. The warmth of Ramin in front of him. He wished he could stop time, that life could always be this—a lazy day, a delicious lunch, a beautiful man to wrap his arms around—but ofcourse it couldn’t. And besides, if life was always like this, then Jake would always be sick, and he would never wish that.
When Nonno pulled over to park, Ramin did as well, bringing them to a smooth stop.
“You sure this was your first time driving one of these?” Noah asked.
Ramin shrugged. “It wasn’t so hard once I got used to it.”
Noah wished he could say the same about the situation in his shorts. He let Ramin get off first and pretended to stretch his lower back to give himself time to deflate.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Maria said, cupping Noah’s face before kissing his cheeks. “You’re always family. Always. Don’t forget.”
Noah’s chest tightened, his cheeks turning warm beneath Maria’s hands. “I won’t.”
He wouldn’t forget. But he wouldn’t be back here, either. This was Angela’s future, not his.
“Next time we’ll go fishing!” Tomaso added.
Noah smiled. “That sounds nice.”
He caught Maria holding Ramin’s elbows. “Have a beautiful time here,” she told him.
“I will. Thank you for your hospitality.” Ramin’s eyes twinkled. His earrings shone in the setting sun. “It’s a tough life.”
“It’s a tough life!” Maria said with a laugh, pulling him in for another hug.
