Noah swayed a bit as they waited, accidentally brushing Ramin’s shoulder, and Ramin stepped away again. Noah stuffed down his annoyance. Not everyone was cool with casual platonic touch, even if most men were starved for it. One thing he missed most about his marriage was the cuddles.
Finally the light changed and they crossed. He wished he could’ve brushed Ramin’s hand. Thrown an arm over his shoulder. Anything. But Ramin was freshly heartbroken, and he had to respect Ramin’s boundaries. He’d made it clear: no touching.
He could talk, at least. He liked talking to Ramin. Ramin was easy to talk to. He always had been.
Easy to talk to, and smart, and interesting. Screw Ramin’s ex for saying he was boring. Ramin wasn’t boring. He was funny. He was thoughtful. He was amazing.
“It’s really brave, you know,” Noah said. “I mean,youare really brave. For doing all this.”
“It was this or stay home and stare at the missing furniture,” Ramin muttered.
Noah imagined it, and a pang lanced through his chest. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone breaking Ramin’s heart. He wanted to gather up all the pieces and fit them back together. He wanted to frame it, reinforce it, so it was impervious.
He never wanted anyone to hurt Ramin ever again.
He’d always felt protective of Ramin, back when they were in school, back when half the senior class seemed to like picking on Ramin for no reason other than he was Iranian. Noah had tried his best, but he couldn’t be everywhere.
And now Ramin was a grown man who had his life together way more than Noah did. So it wasn’t like he could really shield Ramin from anything, anyway. All he could do was commiserate.
“I remember when I moved out and into my own place. Everything just felt hollow.” Some small part of him still felt that hollowness. The part that spoke in his father’s voice, telling him he was a failure of a man for not holding his family together, for not keeping to his wedding vows, for not giving Jake a stable home.
“What happened?” Ramin asked, looking his way, but his eyes widened. Noah tried to fix his stormy face, but Ramin already had his hands up. “God, sorry. Not my business.”
Noah shook his head. “It’s fine. You told me about your breakup.”With that jerk, he wanted to add but didn’t.
Noah thumbed at his cross. His mom had gotten it for him… he couldn’t even remember when. He hadn’t spoken to either of his parents in three years, ever since that night he’d gone to pick up Jake and he’d found his son crying because his mother had given Jake an unwanted haircut, complaining his hair was gettingtoo long for a boy.
Granted, there’d been plenty of crap before that. They’d judged him weak for leaving their church, finding a new one, a kinder one. And they’d judged him heretical for marrying a Catholic, even though Angela was long-since lapsed. They’d even judged him unmanly for being a stay-at-home dad, when Angela made three times more than him.
All of that, Noah could handle. He was used to his parents’ judgment.
But they’d foist that judgment upon Jake over his dead body.
Jake had said no, and they had ignored it, and there was no going back after that.
But still, still, he kept that little silver cross around his neck. It felt like the memory of love, pressed against his sternum.
His parents hadn’t been all awful.
Ramin was still waiting for him to explain, his face lit by the glow from a grocery store as they passed. Noah took a deep breath.
“I think we just fell out of love. There was no big thing, and we weren’t fighting, but somewhere along the way we stopped making each other happy.”
“Did she ask or did you?” Ramin asked quietly.
“She did.” She’d been right. And she’d been brave, to finally bring it up, when Noah had been too scared of change to do it.
“I’m sorry,” Ramin said.
“It’s fine, it—” Noah caught his toe on the uneven cobbles of the street. He nearly fell, but a strong hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back up. The momentum brought him face-to-face, chest to chest with Ramin.
Noah forgot how to breathe.
This time, Ramin didn’t spring away. Up close, his eyes were jade fire kindled in the streetlamps, beautiful and sad and keen, like they’d seen all the hurt the world had to offer but refused to give up. Life’s pains hadn’t turned Ramin brittle but somehow soft and gentle.
And Noah’s chest filled with fire again, thinking of the man who’d dumped Ramin for beingboring. How could any man look at Ramin’s stunning eyes, or see the confidence he carried himself with, or hear his clear, strong voice, and think he wasboring? How could anyone look at Ramin and not want to knowmore, want to knoweverythingabout him?
Noah still had about a million more questions.
