“Then why don’t you want me to stay with you?”
Something cross-threaded in Noah’s brain, made a horrible grinding sound. “What?”
“I’m sorry for fighting with you so much. I don’t mean to.”
“I know, buddy, I know. That’s just part of growing up.” Noah brushed Jake’s hair back. “What do you mean, why don’t I want you to stay with me? I’d love it if you stayed.”
Jake sniffed. “I thought you wanted me to move here with Mom.”
“Oh, Jakey.” Noah’s chest squeezed. How many times could his heart break in one day? “I want you to do what’ll make you happy. If that means moving with your mom, I’ll miss you, but I’ll support you.”
“But what if I want to stay with you?”
“Then I’d be the happiest dad in the world.” Noah looked at his son. His beautiful son. “I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t want you to stay with me. I didn’t want to pressure you. Whatyouwant is what matters most to me and your mom.”
“I thought you were mad at me,” Jake whispered.
Noah caught Jake’s tears with his thumb. He kissed Jake on the forehead.
“Buddy, everyone gets mad sometimes. But even if Iwasmad at you, I’ll never stop loving you. And I’d never want to send you away.”
“You promise?”
Noah chuckled. Jake and his promises.
But this was a real one. One he could keep.
“I promise.”
forty
Ramin
A drizzle coated the windows of the train back to Milan. Ramin stared out at the rain-soaked green, listening to a podcast to practice his Italian. He’d meant to listen to it every day, but Noah was way more entertaining than a podcast.
Noah.
His hands itched to pull out his phone and text. See how things were going. Check in on Jake. But he needed to let Noah deal with this. And after that…
Well, after that, they could figure out where to go from here.
Ramin’s seatmate returned from the bathroom, jostling him as they sat. Ramin sighed.
This was going to be a long ride.
Strange how quickly he’d gotten used to having someone with him. Being able to turn and tell a story, or point out an interesting view, or share a smile at the experience, or split a bottle of wine. Now that he thought about it, he’d barely been alone this entire trip. Noah and his family had been around. Or Francesca and Paola.
He’d planned to come to Italy alone. Reinvent himself. Find himself under a different man every night. Now that he was actually alone again, listening to a podcast and watching the rain, he realized what a terrible plan that was.
Traveling alone really fucking sucked.
What had he been thinking, anyway? How was cutting himself off from everyone supposed to make him Interesting and New? Who would look at his pierced ears and new tattoo and see something in him that they didn’t see before?
Noah had seen him, though. Noah had never thought Ramin was boring, or ugly, or not enough. He’d panicked and run off, but who wouldn’t? Now that he’d had time to think, now that the sting of it had worn off, Ramin could see that. Noahwasn’tTodd.
Fuck Todd, anyway.
So yeah, Ramin had never been boring.
