“I can be pretty selfish.”
Ramin furrowed his brow. He couldn’t imagine anyone less selfish than Noah. “Why do you say that?”
“I don’t want Jake to move here.” It came out as barely more than a whisper. Noah squeezed his eyes shut. “I should want him to have a good life. To be wherever he’ll get the best opportunities. And goodness knows, schools are safer here than back home. I should want all that for him, but I don’t. I want him to stay with me.”
“You love him,” Ramin said. “What’s wrong with wanting him to stay?”
“What kind of father does that make me, choosing my happiness over his future?” Noah huffed. “Like I said. I’m selfish.”
It didn’t sound selfish. It sounded like Noah was punishing himself.
“What if Jake wants to stay in Kansas City?” Ramin pointed out.
“Why would he? He could be having adventures here.”
Ramin ached. He couldn’t imagine Jake not wanting to stay with Noah. Jake adored his dad. Didn’t Noah see it?
“Noah…”
“It’s fine. It is what it is. I’m not going to let my selfishness ruin this opportunity for him.”
That was bullshit. Ramin twisted so he could look at Noah full on.
“You ever think you might have… kind of a martyr complex?”
Fuck, that wasnotwhat Ramin meant to ask. But now that he’d said it… well, it was blunter than he meant, but he didn’t think he was wrong.
Noah shrugged and stared at the bedcovers. He let go of his cross to pick at a little pill on his T-shirt. “I don’t know. Maybe.” And then he let out a dry chuckle. “My parents messed me up real good.”
“Your parents?”
“Yeah.” Noah shrugged again.
“Back in Bellagio, Angela said you don’t talk to them anymore?”
“Went no contact a couple years ago.”
“Oh.” Ramin had a hard time imagining having parents and not speaking to them. They must’ve done something really fucked-up to push Noah to that point.
“And I always promised myself I’d be a better parent for Jake than either of them ever had been for me. You know?”
“You are.”
Noah huffed. “Some days it doesn’t feel like it.”
“Youare,” Ramin repeated. “I promise, you are.”
He rested a hand over Noah’s heart. That beautiful, bounding heart. Ramin wished he could reach inside Noah and scoop this… this self-loathing out of him. Ramin had never met anyone more giving and thoughtful and kind than Noah. He was always taking care of people, always pushing aside his own wants and needs for others. He’d seen it over and over with Jake. Noah would doanythingfor Jake.
He bent over backward for Angela, too. And, God, he’d done it forRamin today, hadn’t he? Planning this whole trip, just because Ramin said he liked the sea.
But who was out there taking care of Noah? Who was putting aside their own desires to focus on his?
Ramin wanted to be that person. If only Noah would let him.
“Sorry.” Noah dropped a kiss on Ramin’s forehead. “I don’t know why I got so maudlin. We should get some sleep.”
Ramin knew when someone was trying to change the subject, but if that’s what Noah wanted, then Ramin was going to give it to him.
