Noah didn’t get it. How could he? He’d always been handsome and fit and hung. He’d never been the ugly kid in class. He’d never been the fat guy at the club. He’d never been ghosted after a first date because he didn’t fit some fucked-up beauty standard.
“I just don’t want you to be disappointed,” Ramin muttered.
“Why would I be disappointed?”
Ramin choked out a laugh. “Because I’ve got stretch marks? Because my stomach dunlops over my waistband? Because I’ve got loose skin? Pick your poison.”
Noah leaned back and sat up.
Ramin held his breath, waiting for Noah to get up, to walk away. To shatter Ramin’s heart.
But Noah didn’t go far. He just shifted his legs a bit so he could pull Ramin up to sitting, too. He held Ramin’s hands and looked into Ramin’s eyes.
Ramin sniffed and blinked. When had he started crying? He’d tried to hold it in.
He hated Noah seeing him like this.
Noah reached up and thumbed away his tears before any more could fall.
“Hey,” he said. “Um. Not to psychoanalyze you, but do you know what body dysmorphia is?”
Ramin snorted. “Yeah. I see a therapist.”
“Oh. Okay. Good.” Noah breathed deep. “I don’t know what it’s like to deal with that. And I know queer men have different kinds of body standards. But I don’t care about any of that. I care aboutyou.”
“But—”
“No buts. Ramin, you met Angela. You know she’s fat. She was fat when I fell in love with her, and she was fat when we married, and she’s fat today, and she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I worshipped her.”
“It’s different, though.”Straight skinny is gay fat.
Even if they didn’t want it to be, it would always be different.
“I know it is.” Noah squeezed Ramin’s hands. “You know how I recognized you, in that gelato place back in Milan? Our first day?”
Ramin shook his head. That felt like a lifetime ago. He’d been too stunned to even question it.
“It was your eyes. It was your dimples when you smile. It was your voice. It was the way you carry yourself. The way you make everyone around you calmer, happier, just by being there.”
Ramin’s throat closed off.
“You are beautiful and perfect the way you are. There’s only one thing I’d ever want to change about you.” Noah leaned in and kissed the teary corners of Ramin’s eyes. “I’d give you a thousand more smile lines, if you let me.”
Noah thought he was beautiful.
Ramin let out a shaky breath, but it turned into a snotty laugh.
“I’m sorry. I ruined the moment.”
“It’s okay, baby.” Noah yanked Ramin closer, into his lap. Noah’s naked chest was hot, sticky with sweat. Ramin breathed in Noah’s musk, nuzzled into the crook of his neck to drink in even more, as Noah cradled the back of his head, walked his fingertips along Ramin’s spine.
Despite it all, he could feel Noah getting hard beneath him. He shifted his hips, ground into Noah’s dick.
Noah’s breath hitched. Ramin could hear the smile in his voice. “The moment’s notthatruined.”
Ramin chuckled.
“You okay?” Noah said.
