Ramin lips quirked. “Sure.”
“What’s prep? You mentioned it earlier, when we were… you know, with the condom?”
“Oh. Pre-exposure prophylaxis. It prevents you getting HIV if you’re exposed. I started taking it again before I came here. I thought I wasgoing to… well.” Ramin’s voice dropped lower. He reached up to twist one of his studs. “Meet lots of men.”
“Should I be on it, too?”
“I mean…” Ramin took a long breath, and Noah couldn’t help feeling like he’d stuck his foot in his mouth somehow. Ramin scratched his chest with his free hand, pulling the tank top down just enough for Noah to get another glimpse of ink.
Ramin caught him staring.
“What? I’m curious.” Noah reached for Ramin’s shoulder, but Ramin swatted him away.
“Don’t!” he whined, but his dimples were popping. “It’s peeling.”
“I don’t mind.”
Ramin shook his head. “Behave.Anyway, with PrEP… it’s a good thing to be on if you’re worried about HIV exposure. It’s preventative. And I’ve been on it ever since it came out, even when I was with Todd and we were completely exclusive. I only really stopped it the last year or so, when I thought… well. Doesn’t matter.”
“When you thought he was the one. And you were gonna get married,” Noah finished for him.
He was glad that hadn’t happened. So glad. Otherwise he and Ramin never would’ve found each other again. But he still wished Ramin hadn’t been hurt. Noah would’ve taken that pain for him, if he could’ve.
“Yeah. So, anyway, I’m on it again, but it’s a personal choice, and you can talk to your doctor about it if you’re worried.”
“Okay.” That all made sense. Another thing Noah hadn’t ever really thought about before. Condoms had always seemed like enough for preventing STDs (not to mention birth control), but HIV was definitely scarier than most things.
“But if you’re not, you know, sleeping around… I mean, if you and I are going to be exclusive… thatiswhat you’re thinking, right?”
“Absolutely,” Noah said. The thought of Ramin with anyone elsemade his hackles rise. He leaned in so he could growl in Ramin’s ear. “You’re all mine.”
Ramin laughed and shoved him. “Down, boy.”
Noah giggled too.
“Anyway, growing up gay, hearing stories about AIDS… I guess it’s always been a lot bigger fear for me than it was for you. I don’t say that to guilt you, just so you can understand where I’m coming from. Does that make sense?”
It did. It made a lot of sense. Even after realizing he was bisexual, Noah had never given much thought to what sex with men really meant. His only two encounters had been so disastrously one-sided, he’d never ended up learning more. Learning what he needed.
He didn’t regret the path his life had taken, all things considered. But sometimes he wished things had gone differently with one of those guys, or both. That he’d found more queer folks to talk to about this stuff, to learn what he needed to know.
Then he wouldn’t feel like Ramin was having to tutor him in Gayness 101.
“I’m sorry so much of this is new to me. I promise you don’t have to hold my hand through every little thing.”
“I like holding your hand,” Ramin murmured.
“I like holding yours, too.”
They sat quietly for a moment, watching the verdant Padan Plain speed by, but then Ramin sat up straighter.
“Hey. Where did you get that singlet, anyway?”
The last half hour or so of the train ride was mostly dark as they took a series of tunnels through the Apennines and toward the coast. Noah plugged his nose and exhaled to try and relieve the pressure in his ears.
Finally, the train slowed, and an automated voice announced their arrival at Genova Piazza Principe.
Noah had imagined stepping off the platform onto a hill overlooking the Ligurian Sea, feeling the salt breeze on his face, seeing Ramin’s eyes widen in wonder at the expanse of ocean before them. He’d been looking forward to that moment ever since he booked their tickets.
