Growing up, David had always spilled the beans when his dad stared at him that way. Like he knew every secret in the world.
David puffed up his cheeks and let out a breath. “I mean, yeah, it hurts sometimes.”
Hurt so bad it was like someone had taken a corkscrew to his insides. A big, rusty winged one, the handles hollowing out his rib cage while the screw pulled his heart out through his chest.
The hurting was almost preferable to the anger, though. Anger at Farzan for ruining a good thing, for being a coward, for not even giving David a choice.
Anger at himself, too, for how he’d handled things. For the cruel things he’d said. For waiting so long to realize what it was he truly wanted. For not fighting harder.
Fuck, he was so in love, and he knew deep down it was real. The kind of love that would’ve aged like a perfect bottle of Bordeaux, growing deeper and more complex, smoothing off the rough edges, revealing new truths with every year it cellared.
And Farzan had thrown all that away.
“I’m gonna be okay, Dad,” David said. “I’m just focusing on my test right now.”
“You know there’s more to life than work, right?”
David snorted.
His dad’s eyebrows raised. “What’s that for?”
“This from the man who never took a day off in his life.”
Christopher opened his mouth, but—
“Not counting weekends or holidays.”
His mouth snapped shut again as he considered. “Last year. I had that flu and stayed home the whole time.”
That had been rough. David had been out of town, visiting wineries in Walla Walla, and had felt singularly useless not being able to do anything to help. Make his dad soup or something. Not that he was nearly as good a cook as Farzan.
Fuck, not thinking about him right now.
Christopher sighed. “I thought I had to,” he said. “Your mom and I wanted you to know the value of hard work.”
“And you did. I’m not criticizing you. I’m just saying, this is what it takes to chase my dreams. Sometimes there isn’t time for anything else.”
Christopher frowned then. He stepped closer and gently grasped David’s arm.
“I spent a long time thinking that,” he said. “But there’salwaystime. If I had made time, maybe your mother and I… well. That’s in the past. But, David. You made time for Farzan.”
And look where it had gotten him.
Heartbroken and behind on his studying.
“You were blossoming with him. Blossoming in ways I’d always wanted for you. You were happy.”
David had been happy. Every moment with Farzan had been colored with joy.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t enough in the end, was it?” He hated how small he felt.
“Sometimes nothing is,” Christopher said softly. “But you have a big heart, son. Don’t ever regret using it.”
Yeah, a big heart. A big target in the center of his chest.
A big distraction from what he wanted out of life. Thought he wanted.
He’d get over Farzan. Whether he stayed here or moved to LA, there would be other guys. His life was finally getting started.
