If Arya noticed, he didn’t say anything.
“Right, okay,” Arya said, leaning over the table. His cheeks were flushed a darker brown with all the wine they’d had, not to mention the enormous spread of food.
Maybe a whole turkey had been a little much for the four of them. Especially with all the sides. Farzan wasn’t sure he had enough containers for all the leftovers.
“So we only need two more, right?”
“Right.” Todd’s cheeks were full-on red, and he was getting extremely handsy with Ramin, who kept laughing and gently shoving him away. “The biggest problem will be finding a decent goalie. How about it, honey?”
Ramin shook his head and made a show of swirling his wineglass intently.
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Todd must’ve goosed Ramin under the table, because he jumped and laughed and swatted at Todd’s chest.
“I’ll be your cheerleader.”
“Ugh.” Arya groaned. “Farzan, you in?”
“Sure.” Farzan liked soccer, liked it more than kickball to be honest. “As long as I don’t have to be the goalie.”
Arya sighed. “Fine, fine. Who else?”
Todd’s head lolled, like his neck couldn’t support the weight of his brain as it worked. “What about David?”
Ramin sat up straighter at that. Arya’s mouth dropped open.
A pit opened up in Farzan’s stomach.
Todd’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s fine,” Farzan said.
“I shouldn’t have brought him up.”
“I said it’s fine,” Farzan said. “He’s moving, so that’s a no.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t need to be.” Farzan was over it. He was fine. “Can we move on?”
“No, we can’t,” Arya said, and suddenly he didn’t look so tipsy anymore. His brown eyes were hawklike as he stared Farzan down. “Are we ever going to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” Farzan’s neck started to burn. He reached for his water.
“You. Acting like you’re fine with this. Moving around like a zombie, getting what isclearlya gay crisis haircut, and then telling us you’re not heartbroken.”
“I’m not!” Farzan knew he was protesting too much, but fuck, why couldn’t his friends just leave him alone? He didn’t want to talk about this.
“Farzan,” Ramin said softly. Of everyone at the table he was the soberest, since he was the one driving. “I’ve known you forever. I have never seen you that happy with anyone before. And I’ve never seen you like… whatever this is.”
“Whatever this is?” Farzan began, ready to argue, ready to get up and shout at Ramin and Arya and Todd for thinking they knew what he was going through. But one look at Ramin, his eyes so sad and loving, deflated all Farzan’s anger, like a collapsed soufflé.
He fucking hated it when people felt sorry for him.
He fucking hated feeling sorry for himself.
“What does it matter anyway?” Farzan said, swallowing against the tide of sadness threatening to drown him. “He’s better off without me.”
“It matters because he made you happy, dude.” Arya rested a hand on Farzan’s back, squeezing his shoulder. “And you made him happy. We could all see it.”
