“Amy’s got me hooked on this Instant Pot thing.”
Mom nods. “How’s she doing?”
Across the table, Jasmine looks at me and rolls her eyes. Mom doesn’t dislike Amy—they actually get along fine, as far as I can tell—but that doesn’t stop her from avoiding Amy as much as she can.
Dad starts telling a secondhand story about the library, but I quickly lose track of it. He’s facing Mom, talking fast, and when she starts telling a story of her own, about the hospital, I think, I give up and tune out.
It’s weird: When it’s just me and Dad, or me and Mom, they’re both pretty good about looking at me when they talk, but when they’re together they get so focused it’s like I disappear.
It sounds awful to say, but them getting divorced might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Though I do miss Mom. She announced she was moving to Colorado not long after the papers were signed. Right after she and I had gotten into a big fight, and I told her I would never forgive her for breaking up our family. I still feel bad about that, because I do forgive her. But at least it taught me to be a lot more careful with what I say.
I got sent to therapy after the fight. I spent the first few sessions angry and inconsolable. But eventually my therapist had me do this thing where I made a list of all the pros and cons of them getting divorced. It helped me see that they were hurting—not just each other, but me and Jasmine too. And that ultimately, their splitting up was for the best.
MOM AND DAD'S DIVORCE LIST:
THEY FIGHT ALL THE TIME
JASMINE KEEPS CRYING
WHAT IF IT’S BECAUSE OF ME?
DAD CAN’T COOK VEGETABLES
MOM CAN’T COOK MEAT
THEY SHOUT ALL THE TIME
THEY FEEL GUILTY ABOUT MY DEAFNESS?
DOUBLE PRESENTS????
I guess that was sort of the start of my lists.
***
It takes me a moment to realize Liam’s signing at me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Hard to follow.”
“They never learned?”
Jasmine elbows Liam, asks him something I can’t make out.
“She wants to know what we’re saying.”
“Tell her ‘never mind.’ ”
Liam’s eyes screw up and he snorts out a laugh, so loud everyone at the table stops talking and looks his way.
“Liam, where did you learn that?” Mom asks.
“Bowie’s been teaching me.”
“Jackson’s Bowie?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
