My dad took me out to dinner tonight before the show
But we got into a big fight. Like, really big.
He told me he’d been cheating on my mom. That’s why they got divorced.
I accidentally drop Liam’s phone.
“Shit! Sorry.”
He waves me off, reaches for the phone the same time as me. Our fingers brush and I pull back like he’s shocked me. But I can’t even imagine.
And I can’t stop this dread settling in my stomach.
During the second act... I don’t know. It really hit me and I started crying and I just couldn’t stop.
I’m sorry.
I messed everything up.
My heart is cracking in two. I hate seeing Liam hurt like this.
“You didn’t mess anything up. It was fine.” I look up from the phone; Liam’s tearing up again. “Do you... do you want a hug?”
I shouldn’t be hugging him. Shouldn’t be touching him at all. But he’s my friend, and he’s hurting, and I can’t just let him be hurting.
He bites his lip and nods. I step forward and pull him into a hug, resting my hands in the small of his back, a safe distance above hisflat asswaistband. His body is warm, like usual. Wesmush the roses between us, the sweet scent of the flowers mixing with his deodorant. I squeeze him, try to tell him without words that it’ll be okay. That he’s my friend and I’m here for him.
But eventually he breaks the hug, wiping at his eyes.
“I wish somethingsomething.”
“What?”
“I wish I could just go to Perkins with you.”
“Hah. I don’t think Jasmine would like that.”
“Yeah.” He sighs, blows out a slow breath through his lips. They don’t look quite so thin when he does that. And even if they are thin, they’re really nice, with a little bow in them.
They make the shape of my name.
“Huh?”
He’s looking at me funny.Like he caught me staring.
“Sorry. It’s been a long day and my brain is done.”
He switches back to sign. “It’s okay. You sure you won’t come? Bowie too?”
I shake my head. Honestly, it’d be a nightmare. Loud music and cross talk and I would just sit in the corner alone, talking with Bowie, assuming I could even convince them to come, while Liamhooked up with Jasmine in an empty bedroomdanced with Jasmine or made out in a corner or just hung around, being one of the actors, feeling at home with them in a way I never could.
And even if I had been invited—even if I wanted to go—how could I now? When he’s going to be with Jasmine, and I’m going to be there, wishing he wasn’t. Wishing he was with me instead.
I need to get away from him. As far as possible. For both our sakes.
20
Winter break in the Ghasnavi household is always a little weird.
