He’s in a dress too, a silver-blue number that perfectly matches his eyes. He’s in full makeup and a black wig that’s all curls and rings that perfectly frame his face.
He is breathtaking.
“Oh,” he says again. We’re chest to chest. “Jackson?”
“Hey.”
I forgot how tall he is. I swallow and stare up at him.
“I better—” He nods toward the stage doors, where the actors are already lined up.
“Yeah.”
But he doesn’t move. Instead, he reaches back and tucks in the laces Dr. L knotted off. I can barely breathe.
“Break a leg,” I manage to say.
“You too.”
***
Madison, in their checkered fool costume, and Peyton, who plays Maria (Olivia’s lady-in-waiting) stand in front of me, waiting for the scene change. My stomach ties itself into a clove hitch. There’s bile in the back of my throat. I never should’ve had so much dairy.
The stage doors have their windows blocked with BlackWrap, so we can’t see inside. I can’t hear what’s happening onstage, but Madison stands close, waiting for Peyton’s cue.
The line of light along the bottom of the door goes dark for scene change. I reach for the door—force of habit—but Madison grabs it, lets Peyton go first, and follows. The door swings shut again.
My stomach unravels and ties itself into a bowline instead. Darcy, who plays Malvolio, steps up next to me. She’s got a sharp, blue-black beard spirit-gummed to her chin and bushy eyebrows painted on over her real ones. She gives me a quick nod. I nod back.
I think I have to pee. I should’ve done that before getting into this dress. And I should’ve let Bowie know what happened, but my phone is still in my jacket. Are they worried? Annoyed?
Did I even remember to silence my phone before going out for water?
“Breathe,” Darcy says.
It doesn’t help at all.
But she grabs the door and prods me in the back to get me moving.
I step onto the stage, squinting at the lights. The audience islaughing, and for a second I’m convinced it’s at me, that one look was enough for them to realize how utterly ridiculous I am, to confirm that I don’t belong onstage, I belong in the back where no one can see or hear me. But then I notice Madison, making a fool of themself, and I relax a tiny bit.
They turn to me. “God bless thee, Lady.”
I try to summon the way Cam always did this bit, so haughty and full of himself.
“Take the fool away,” I command my retainers, two first years, Connor and Kieran.
But Madison gets a gleam in their eye, and they tell the retainers to take me away instead. They’ve got so much energy, and I don’t know how I’ll keep up with them because they have amazing comedic timing and I’m just, well, me. There’s a ringing in my ears, not from my hearing aids but from every nerve in my body being electrified.
I make the mistake of looking out into the audience at one point and catch Bowie, their mouth hanging open, watching me perform. But then they sign a quickYou got thisat me, and they’re right. I do got this. I match Madison beat for beat, I act from the inside out, I become the best Olivia I can become.
At least until Liam steps onstage.
He’s in his Cesario costume now, a blue waistcoat the same hue as his dress from earlier, puffy shorts, and black leggings, which make his legs look about a mile long. The stage lights catch the shine of his raven hair. And just like Olivia, I’m smitten.
It’s the easiest thing in the world, acting like I’m in love with him at first sight. Because first sight, twelfth sight, millionth sight, I will never stop loving him.
Liam meets my eyes, and my lungs fight against my corset. He’s right in front of me. I stare at him, and he stares back at me, until I realize he’s said his first line.
