I sat on the curb and wiped my eyes and felt the yawning void of self-hate open up beneath me.
The thing about having depression is, you can recognize the cycles your mind goes through, even when you can’t do anything about them.
Landon kept echoing in my head: “Selfish.”
And I kept seeing Chip’s eyes too. How he couldn’t quite look at me.
I trusted him.
I knew his history with Trent. Knew he had never, ever stood up to him. Knew he was as much accomplice as witness, since Trent worked best with an audience.
And I trusted him anyway.
This is what I deserved.
I sniffed and pulled my phone out. The droplets left tiny rainbow flecks on the screen.
What was I supposed to tell Mom?
Were Landon and I broken up or was it just a fight?
Ditching me at a dance felt like a breakup.
“Darius?”
I glanced behind me and then looked down at my phone again. Mom was sending Oma to get me.
Chip lowered himself to sit next to me. His knees splayed to the side and bumped against mine.
“Well, that was super awkward,” he said, and did this sort of nervous chuckle.
“What do you want, Chip?”
He frowned and looked at his hands.
“Just wanted to apologize for what Trent said.”
What Trent said.
Chip only ever apologized for Trent.
I didn’t say anything.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Where’s Landon?”
I shook my head.
“What happened?”
“You and Trent happened!” I shouted, but then I lowered my voice. “He was already frustrated with me, but then you and Trent making jokes about me, it was just...”
“I didn’t joke about you,” Chip said.
“But you told Trent about that day in the locker room.”
