Almost.
“She told your mom I was going to spoil her. She said men in Iran don’t do dishes.”
“Oh.”
“I’m glad to do it, though. Your grandmother has enough on her plate.” He angled another dish into the dishwasher and chuckled. “Proverbially speaking.”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think of your uncles?”
“They’re... I don’t know. Dayi Jamsheed told me I wasn’tPersian. Because I don’t like cucumbers.” I handed Dad the last plate and started gathering the forks and spoons. “And Dayi Soheil called me fat.”
Dad nearly dropped the plate.
“He what?”
“Well. Not really. He just, like, patted me on my stomach. But that was the implication.”
“I think he was just being affectionate, Darius.”
Stephen Kellner always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Everyone except me.
“There you are,” Mom said. She closed the door behind her and took the silverware from me. “You two get out there. I’ll take care of it.”
But Dad said, “I don’t mind, love.” He glanced at the door. “Spend time with your brothers.”
For a moment, I wondered if Dad was trying to avoid the living room. If he was avoiding the critical mass of Bahramis by taking shelter in the kitchen.
But that was impossible.
Stephen Kellner never avoided anything.
“Let me,” Mom said. She hip-checked Dad out of the way with a smirk, but then she stood on her toes to kiss him on the temple. “Go on.”
“Okay. Come on, Darius.”
He hooked his arm around my shoulder and led me back into the living room.
After dinner, Dayi Jamsheed’s kids pushed all the furniturein the living room against the walls, leaving the large red and green carpet in the center of the room for us to dance on.
Dayi Jamsheed had four kids: his sons Zal and Bahram, and his daughters Vida and Nazgol.
First off: My cousin Nazgol got her name from the Farsi word forflower.
She was not a Ringwraith—a Nazgûl—and I was pretty sure she had never readThe Lord of the Rings,so it wasn’t like I could joke about it with her.
Second: Dayi Jamsheed must have been part-Übermensch himself. The decision to name his son Bahram Bahrami must have sprung from the same well of Teutonic Nihilism that led Stephen Kellner to choose Grover as my middle name.
What kind of name is Darius Grover Kellner?
It was like I was destined to be a target.
Here’s the thing:
All Iranian songs have the exact same drumbeat.
