Joshua paced the length and breadth of David’s large living room. Unsure. Nervous. Out of his mind with fear. What if nothing’s the same? What if what we had can’t be recovered?Oh god, oh god.
Colin had insisted on making his own way back to David’s house. “Don’t come and get me,” his text had read. “Let me find my own way back to you.” And Joshua had understood. This had been a solitary journey from the very beginning. Even with all the love, the closeness, the intimacy… even with all of that, Colin had to walk this path alone. This time Joshua couldn’t help him. The loneliness of it was a knife, sharp and cruel, lodged deep in his chest. But he understood.
Colin’s plane had landed over an hour ago. He’d sent a text. Short… like all his messages lately. Just:“On my way, mo ghrá milis.”And, of course, the ever-present heart emoji.
When the taxi pulled into David’s driveway, Joshua’s heart nearly stopped. He stared out the window as Colin got out of the cab.
Oh god, he’s so thin!
He could feel himself trembling, shaking all over. Then Colin’s eyes swung toward the house—toward him—and Joshua saw him smile.
He flew out the front door, already weeping, arms outstretched—barely noticing when Colin dropped his duffel bag and stepped into him.
And then he was in Colin’s arms, held so tightly he could scarcely breathe. Thesmellof him. The texture of his hair. His skin. The scrape of beard against his cheek. The low voice in his ear, “A stór, a stór, tá grá agam duit.”
“Oh, my love,” Joshua whispered. “Thank god, thank god, you’re home.”
Colin’s fingers clenched in his hair—and then they were kissing. Again and again, as though neither of them could ever get enough. And Joshua’s knees buckled, arms tightening around Colin’s neck, lost in the taste of him—drowning in it. As though his kisses were life itself.
Then Colin sagged as if suddenly overwhelmed. “God above, baby,” he murmured, his face against Joshua’s neck. “I need to sit down.”
“Oh, my beloved, I’m so sorry.” He wound Colin’s arm around his neck and walked him toward the house. “Come sit. I’ll make you a brandy… or a coffee… or whatever you want. Whatever you need.”
Colin turned his head and kissed Joshua’s temple. “I already have everything I want and need. But I wouldn’t say no to a cup of tea.”
They stumbled up the walk and into David’s house. Joshua refused to release him until he had eased him onto the sofa. He stroked Colin’s hair and bent to kiss him again. Then his breath caught in a sob, and he sank to his knees. Colin caught him close as Joshua knelt between his legs, sobbing as though his heartwould break. “Josh, my sweet love,” he whispered. “It’s all right now. I’m here. I’m home.”
“Oh, Colin, I was so afraid.” He lifted his tear-streaked face. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I wanted to hold it together.”
Colin shrugged, screwing his face into a comical grimace. “Why?”
Joshua stared for half a second—then burst out laughing. They both did. Clutching each other, hands roaming over arms, hair, body—just to know—to be sure. He washere.
“I think I left my duffel in the driveway,” Colin muttered, still chuckling as he held Joshua close in his arms.
“I’ll get it, my love.” Joshua staggered to his feet, supporting himself on Colin’s shoulder. “Let me put the tea kettle on and I’ll run grab it.”
Colin caught his hand and pulled him in for another kiss. “Don’t go vanishing on me now.”
“I won’t, myyedid.”
A half hour later,Colin’s bag lay on the floor at his feet as he sat on the couch, feet up on a cushioned stool, leather jacket draped over the couch arm, a mug of Barry’s Gold Blend Irish tea, one of Colin’s favorites, warm in his hand. Joshua nestled against him, pressed as close as he could get, with Colin’s arm tight around him, sipping his own mug of Barry’s Gold.
“I keep forgetting they sell this in the US,” Colin murmured, taking another sip.
“Ah, yes, my love. For those smart enough to buy it. I always keep a stash for special occasions.” He hesitated. “Of course, my stash was…” His voice trailed off.
“In the kitchen when the world exploded on us, was it?” Colin’s voice held just the faintest lilt, the musical rhythm of Ireland still clinging to him.
Joshua hesitated again, and Colin chuckled. “It’s OK. We can talk about it. I’ve made my peace with the fact that I don’t rule the world.” He pressed a soft kiss to Joshua’s hair. “Or as Danny put it: I don’t deal the cards. I play the hand I’m dealt just like the rest of ya.”
Joshua gave a soft chuckle. “Danny is a wise and learned man.”
Colin nodded, turning to nuzzle against Joshua’s dark curls. “Amen to that,a stór.” He sat up and peered around. “Where are our hosts?”
“They went out to dinner to give us some time together.” He looked at his watch. “But I suspect they’ll be home soon.” He laid a hand on Colin’s arm. “Nate has been”—he paused and shook his head—“I don’t know how to describe it, Colin. He’s been grief-stricken by what happened to you… to us. Nearly physically ill.”
“Did you show him the postcards?”
