“I feel wired. I feel…” He paused, searching for the word. “Like I belong again.”
Esther leaned back in her chair, arms folded. “Good. Just don’t confuse the fire with the furnace.”
Colin blinked. “Meaning?”
She gestured to a chair, and Colin sat.
“Meaning you’re a man, not a machine. I’ll keep feeding you raw meat if that’s what you need—but I expect you to chew it, not choke on it. You’re still healing, Colin. Your injuries may not be apparent on the surface, but they’re there.”
He tilted his head, the grin dimming just slightly.
“Balance!” she demanded, then leaned toward him, pointing a finger. “Do youhearme, Counselor?”
“I’ve worked here long enough to recognize an order when I hear it.”
“Good! Prosecute the hell out of your felonies—but if I see you in this office at midnight running on rage and Red Bull, I’ll bench you myself, and I won’t bother saying why.”
He didn’t argue. Couldn’t. Not with her.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Esther nodded, satisfied. “Now get out of here before I hug you and ruin both our reputations.”
At the dinnertable that night, he reported his victories to Joshua. His voice was still edgy with excitement but just slightly less so, and at the end of his last sentence, he frowned down at the new dining room table and fell silent.
“Colin? What is it? God, you know how proud I am of you, how happy I am for you… but something’s… off. I can feel it. See it.”
Colin nodded, lips pressed together. “After court, Esther talked to me about”––his eyes met Joshua’s––“about balance. About not—not going overboard.”
“About not becoming an adrenaline junkie?”
Colin’s eyes snapped to his. “She didn’t call it that, but…” He released a breath.
“Because we’ve been through this before. Law school had that same… allure. The thrill of victory. So does prosecuting high-profile cases.” He laid a hand on Colin’s arm. “You’re a highly motivated competitor with a very low tolerance for boredom. You’re wired to win, Colin. It’s fuel for you—but it can also be a drug. Adangerousone.”
“Esther said she’d bench me if she saw me living in the fire.”
Joshua didn’t say anything for a beat. His thumb moved in an aimless pattern over Colin’s wrist, skin warm against skin. “She’s not wrong,” he said quietly.
“I know,” Colin admitted. “But that courtroom––it felt like oxygen again. Like I’d been breathing underwater and didn’t know it.”
Joshua nodded, gaze soft but steady. “I want you to have that. God, Colin, Ilovewatching you come back to life. But I need you to know something.”
Colin looked at him.
“You don’t have to earn your worth by winning. Not with me. Not with anyone. Not ever. Just sitting here. Just being… Colin Campbell. Not winning a case, not being brilliant, not catching bad guys, not needing to prove a thing. Just you. Just sitting here breathing.” He gestured toward the window and the night sky beyond. “You’re worth more than every star that ever burned.”
He drew in a breath—one that shuddered in his chest—and Colin bit his lip, sensing the fear behind it.
“I told you—and I mean it: the only thing I want is for you to be happy and at peace. Whatever leads you there… I’m for it.” He leaned closer, hand firm on Colin’s wrist. “But whatever threatens that… I’llfight, Colin. With everything that I am. Everything I’ve got. Fight it to thedeath.”
He hesitated, thumb still moving, but slower now. “Because we’ve seen the pattern. You start out fed by the fire—and then, somewhere along the way, you start being consumed by it.”
The words struck low and true, and Colin’s eyes dropped again to the table. He traced the grain with his finger. “I know.”
Joshua leaned in, voice quiet. “Sometimes, that’s my job. To remind you of what you already know. To make sure the fire lights your way home, not burns you to ashes,” He paused, then gave Colin a slow smile. “So to speak.”
Colin let out a laugh and reached for his hand. “You do know how to say the hard things.”
