Jeff dropped to sit on the step next to Colin. “It’s a good thing you’re doing, and we’ll support you anytime we can.”
Joshua gave a wistful smile. “And maybe he’ll actuallylikepineapple on pizza. I could use an ally.”
David’s hand landed on Colin’s shoulder. “I think that’s the best you could possibly offer him.”
Colin nodded, his eyes dropping. “Now we have to tellhim.”
The five friendsgot to their feet and walked toward the dining hall. Colin and Joshua lagged behind the others but neither of them spoke. As they approached the hall they could see groups of campers clustered near the entrance, their voices softer than usual, laughter tinged with the weight of parting. Saying good-bye to the friends they’d made—the ones who had understood them in ways no one else had—felt like leaving behind a piece of themselves. This was their last breakfast together. The bus would arrive in a little over two hours to take them to where their rides would pick them up. Camp Pride was drawing to a close.
Colin fumbled for Joshua’s hand and clasped it tight. “Do you want to talk to him? Or should I?”
“Let’s be guided by Alex,” Joshua murmured. “Let him take the lead.”
Colin nodded, then blew out a quick breath as they both spotted Alex, lounging near the dining room steps, talking with some of his Thunder Bat teammates. As they approached, Alex turned toward them, his face lighting up with a happy, welcoming smile.
“Hey, kid!” Colin called out as they climbed the steps and moved toward the entrance. “How you doing?”
Alex dashed to their side. “Hey, Coach!” He swallowed hard, then looked up at Joshua. “You guys got a minute? I need to—I mean have a—a question I’d like to ask you.”
Joshua nodded toward the end of the long porch. “Want to sit down there, where it’s more private?”
Clearly nervous, Alex nodded. “Yeah.” He looked up at Colin. “Great job yesterday, Coach.”
“You think I’d make a good pastor?” Colin teased, ruffling Alex’s hair.
“I think you’d be good at anything.”
Joshua felt his stomach clench. Alex adored Colin. The hero worship in his eyes as he gazed up at his coach moved Joshua nearly to tears.I can see it,he thought.I can see him thinking it:He could be my DAD!
They sat down together, perching on the wooden chairs that lined the entire porch, Alex dropping into one that faced the two of them. Colin leaned towards him. “What’s up, kid?”
Alex swallowed hard. “I want to ask you something. Something important. Something—something big.”
Colin nodded. “Ask away.”
He glanced away, hesitating, then spoke. “I want to know if you—I mean if both of you—would …” He hesitated, then stammered out: “—would be my foster parents?”
There was a moment of complete silence.
“I’d be good,” Alex exclaimed in a rush. “I wouldn’t ever do bad things. I’d clean up and help in the house. Honest!”
Joshua’s teeth clamped down on his lower lip, and the breath he sucked in quavered in his chest. He turned and looked at Colin, and the pain in his eyes said it all.I can’t. I just can’t.
Colin nodded and leaned toward Alex. “Kid, understand this. We love you. But … we can’t do it.”
Joshua saw Alex’s lips quiver. He opened his mouth to speak, but Colin spoke first.
“OK, I said it. I know it hurt you, and I’m sorry. God fuckingknowsit hurt me! It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to say in my life.”
He leaned forward and grabbed Alex’s wrist. “Let me tell you a little bit about me. When I was about your age,” he hesitated, glanced at Joshua, then at the floor, his eyes dark with pain, “I had a sister who I loved.” He bowed his head, and again there was silence. “A bad thing happened to her,” he said finally, then he lifted his head to meet Alex’s eyes. “And she killed herself.”
Alex’s gasped, his eyes wide with shock and dismay. He tried to speak, but Colin’s hand tightened on his wrist. “Wait, kid. Let me finish.”
He drew in a deep breath. “I spent the first twenty years after her death being totally screwed up, and never,evergiving a damn about anyone. For me, love was a dirty word. I couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ to my mother. Andno onewas allowed to say it to me.” He tilted his head toward Joshua. “Then I met him.”
Joshua’s breath caught in a sob, and he laid his hand on Colin’s back, moving it in a slow, comforting circle.
“I’m still fucked up from it, Alex. But Josh taught me how to love again. And more importantly, he taught me how to let someone loveme.” He drew in a deep breath and leaned even closer to the boy seated in front of him. “And I want you to know this: I just trusted you with a part of my life that very few people know about.”
