Colin looked up at him as he swallowed the medication, eyebrows raised.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Colin didn’t look away, but something in his expression altered—an almost imperceptible crack in the warrior’s armor he wore so well. His fingers curled around the edge of the blanket, twisting the fabric like it might hold the answer for him. Finally, he exhaled a long, slow breath.
“Because if I told you, you’d worry.” His voice was quiet, rough at the edges. “You’d carry it too. And I didn’t want you to carry it too. It was enough that I carried it.”
Joshua’s lips parted, but Colin lifted a hand. “No, let me finish.” He dragged that hand over his face before resting it on his stomach, eyes on the ceiling. “Back when I got shot, when I was lying there in that hospital bed, you looked at me like … like your whole damn world was crumbling around you. I’d never seen so much pain and fear in a human face, and god knows, as a cop, I’d seen plenty of frightened, hurting people.” He gripped Joshua’s arm and leaned closer. “I—I never want to see that look on your face again.”
Joshua’s breath caught, his eyes staring into Colin’s.
“I know you, Josh. If I told you every time I was hurting, every time I struggled, you’d hold onto it like it was yours to fix. And this is something thatno onecan fix. Like you said, it’s part of my DNA.” He gave a tired half-shrug. “So, I figured … why put you through it? If I could handle it myself, then maybe … maybe you wouldn’t have to feel that fear again.”
Silence stretched between them, heavy with things unsaid. Joshua’s hand slid to his cheek, guiding Colin’s gaze back to his own. His dark eyes were wet but steady. “We’ll handle this part of your life any way you want us to handle it. But know this: I’m always going to worry about you. You can’t prevent that. And I don’t need you to protect me from it—what I need is that you let me carry it with you.” He swallowed, his voice thick. “I don’t care if I can’t fix it. That doesn’t matter. There will be lots of problems in our lives that can’t be fixed … that have just to be endured because they are a part of life that can’t be changed. What matters—what matters tome—is that whatever pain either of us has, we don’t have it alone. We share it.”
Colin searched his face for a long moment, then Joshua gave a small smile and leaned towards him. “Trust me. I can take it.”
Colin gave him a slow, soft smile, then nodded. “OK, bud.”
Joshua let out a breath—one part relief, one part something else. He leaned in, pressing their foreheads together, and murmured, “OK.”
In the space between words, something unspoken passed between them—not an end to the struggle, but the promise that they’d face this together.
Chapter 22
Wedding Day
Saturday
Joshua awoke on the wedding day to the sound of grumbling and shuffling. He let out a groan as he sat up, then glanced to his left to see Colin struggling to pull his best dress pants over his ankle cast. “Babe?”
Colin glanced at him.
“I—um—don’t think that’s gonna work.”
“Well, I’mnotgoing to rip these pants. They’re the ones I wore onourwedding day!”
“Colin, wait.” Joshua hopped out of bed and laid a hand on his husband’s shoulder. “Sweetie, you may have to wear your jeans or shorts.”
Colin released the grip he had on his pants and stared at Joshua, mouth open.
“You may not have a choice.” Joshua squatted down and tugged on the pant leg, trying to ease it over the cast. He pressed his lips together and looked up at Colin, shaking his head. “Nope.”
“Oh, fuck me!”
Joshua snickered and got to his feet, resting his hands on Colin’s waist. “Tempting, but we’re on a schedule.”
Colin huffed out a laugh, and gave Joshua’s ass a quick, loving squeeze. He eased the dress pants off and tossed them onto a chair. “I can’t believe this.Dammit! I wanted to look good for their wedding.”
“Youwill!” Joshua assured him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You just might have to redefine ‘formal wear’ for this one event. Hey, the grooms will understand.”
Colin sighed, looking down at his leg as though it had personally betrayed him. “Jeans while I’m officiating at my firstwedding?”
“Hey! At least you know the jeans will fit over the cast! Or… we could ask David if he has any ideas? He’s the king of making things work.”
Colin snorted. “David’s idea of afixwill probably involve a fancy cummerbund and a black bowtie.”
Grinning, Joshua waggled his eyebrows. “Could be sexy.”
