“Well, yeah. But afterthatgreeting, food doesn’t exactly top my to-do list.”
Joshua gave a soft laugh, lowering his face to Colin’s shoulder. “Well, make up your mind because I’m good with whatever you decide.”
“Let’s sit for a bit,” Colin suggested, leading Joshua to the couch. “Then we’ll grab takeout.” He drew Joshua down beside him. “Hey, did you bamboozle David and Nate into signing up for this thing?”
“I did not. I was waiting until we could approach them together since that task demands your gift of gab.”
“Did Verdun mention how many kids we can take?”
“Yeah. Fifty.”
“That’s a lot of kids, Josh.”
“They said their staff could pitch in if we get overwhelmed.”
“Who’s signed up as counselors other than the four of us? Well, provided you can get David and Nate to agree.”
“So far,” Joshua replied, a tinge of sadness in his voice, “it’s just us.”
“I thought you said Rainier was partnered with other therapy centers? No one fromanyof them signed on?”
“Not yet.” He glanced toward Colin, who shot him a wide-eyed look.
“Fifty kids? For four people, Josh?”
“Well, so far, it’s onlytwopeople.”
“Babe, we’regood,but notthatgood!”
Joshua’s sigh seemed to come from the soles of his shoes. “David and Nate will sign on.”
“Well, they’d better, or we’re going to go broke paying babysitters.”
Joshua lowered his head.
“Are you worried?”
“It’s a huge responsibility. What if I let them down? What if I’m not what they need?” He winced and lifted his head. “They’ve already got enough to deal with just being young and gay.”
Colin wrinkled his nose. “It’s not like it was when we were young, Josh. People are more accepting now.”
“Well,somepeople are,” Joshua muttered. “But homophobia’s far from dead—especially in this political climate. There’s still a lot of ugly out there.” For a long moment, he sat in silence, staring out the window. Then his gaze shifted to Colin, and his voice grew quiet. “Is this too much for me? Should I rethink this?”
“No!” Colin shot back. “You’re exactly the right person to lead this, Josh. You’re kind and gentle, and you understand better than most what it’s like to be a young, gay person who’s struggling.” He wrapped his arm around Joshua’s shoulders and drew him close. “Those kids will beluckyto have you.”
Joshua’s brows furrowed in doubt. “When I was a teen, mom sent me to a camp. You know, for troubled youth. “There were people there—counselors—who I believed were there to help me. But even though I trusted them, I was still painfully shy and introverted. In the end, I felt like they cared more about their own egos than about helping me. I remember thinking—they’re here to help, but the moment I pulled back, they walked away. It felt like I failed some invisible test.”
“You couldneverbe like that!”
“I know I don’twantto be.” He swallowed hard, a heaviness weighing on his chest. “Those moments still linger in my mind, like a shadow that can’t find the light. I was an abused child and always quick to blame myself anytime an authority figure abandoned me. I spent years trying to be perfect for everyone, thinking if I could do or be enough, they wouldn’t leave. But it never worked. That weight … it’s something I still carry.”
Colin’s arm tightened, drawing Joshua’s eyes to his husband’s face. “Josh, I understand the pain of abandonment. I understand it deeply. Youknowwhat it did to me when my sister committed suicide. That wound has never fully healed. And for years, I carried the weight of believing it was my fault.”
He leaned toward Joshua. “You taught me that itwasn’tmy fault. That I didn’t have to earn love by pretending to hold it together. You showed me that being broken didn’t mean I was unworthy. You lifted that weight from my heart. You taught me that it’s OK to feel lost sometimes and that true strength rests in the ability to share those feelings. My darling, all youeverhave to do is lead with your heart. You’re a great therapist because youcare. It’s notinyou to walk away. It’s just not in your DNA.”
Joshua leaned forward into Colin’s arms, and for a long moment, they sat quietly, wrapped in each other’s warmth. “Youthink?” Joshua whispered at last.
“Iknow,” Colin said. “We went through that pain for a reason. Maybe now we have the awareness to help them transform their pain into hope before their scars run as deep as ours. And …” Colin continued, raising his eyebrows. “Aren’t you the therapist who’s always telling me that stressing over an event that’s months in the future is the very definition of wasted energy?”
