His feet slapped against the mud at the river’s edge as he half-trotted forward, his eyes scanning ahead, searching always for the gleam of Colin’s flashlight. “Colin! I’m here!”
“Alex!” Colin cried out. “I hear you! I’m just ahead of you, kid. D’you see the light?”
Suddenly, just ahead of him, Alex spotted the beam of Colin’s flashlight, and seconds later, he saw him sprawled in the mud near the river’s edge. “Colin!” he cried out, rushing to his side.
Colin’s face was pale in the flashlight’s glow, his eyes sunken with pain, but his lips curled into a faint, crooked smile. “Hey, kid,” he rasped, his voice trembling. “Man, I’m glad to see you.” He gestured toward his swollen ankle. “I think that bad boy’s broken. You’re gonna have to save my Irish ass.” He looked up at Alex. “You up for it?”
Alex’s breath caught in a sob. This man was his hero, his friend. Seeing him injured and vulnerable, struggling to smile through his pain, he felt that his heart was breaking. His knees buckled, and he sank to the ground beside him.
“I—I’m so sorry,” Alex choked, his voice cracking. “I didn’t mean … ” Tears burned in his eyes, and he scrubbed them away. “This is my fault. I … I was so stupid … I just …”
Colin’s hand shot out, grabbing Alex’s wrist with surprising strength. His eyes were fierce, his voice rough but steady. “Stop that! None of this is your fault. You hear me?” His grip tightened, his eyes locking on Alex’s. “You’renotstupid! Ichoseto come after you. Iwantedto come after you! You didn’t ask me to.” His expression twisted, pain tightening the corners of his eyes. “And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” He shook the boy’s wrist. “Hey. I takecareof my friends.”
Alex spotted Colin’s twisted ankle, the swelling already apparent under his mud-covered sock. “I’m … I’m scared, Colin.”
Colin’s face softened, his fingers loosening on Alex’s wrist but not letting go. “Me too, kid.” His voice wavered. “At the moment, I’m mainly scared of how bad Josh is gonna bitch me out for this damned ankle.”
Almost against his will, Alex’s lips formed a small smile.
“Listen to me, Alex. Everybody’s afraid. Everybody.”
“Notyou, Colin!”
Colin’s lips twitched into a self-mocking smile. “Oh, hell,yes, me! I’ve been scared a million times. Scared to fucking death! Only afoolwould claim that they’re never afraid. But being scared isn’t what’s important, Alex. What’s important is what youdoabout it.” Colin’s hand tightened on his. “Fear doesn’t make you weak. You can be afraid and still be strong. You showed up scared, and that makes you braver than most. But right now I need you to tell your fear to go fuck off! I need you to go find Trent!” He pulled Alex closer. “Can you do that for me, kid?”
Alex’s heart thudded painfully in his chest, his eyes locked on Colin’s. He saw the pain, but he also saw the trust. Colin believed in him. Colin needed him. His hero, the strongest man and the kindest man he’d ever known, was trusting him to be strong.
He swallowed hard and nodded, his voice quaking but determined. “Yeah. I can do that.”
Colin’s lips curled into a crooked smile. “Good boy! Just follow the river’s edge. It’ll lead you to the campsite. It’s only about a mile or so ahead.”
Alex drew in a shaking breath and nodded. “OK, Colin. I’ll do it! I’ll get Trent. I promise.”
“I know you will, kid. I believe in you.” He extended the flashlight toward Alex. “Here. Take this.”
“No!” Alex told him, getting to his feet. “You need it. Trent can look for its light. I can use the river to find my way.” He began to walk backward along the water’s edge, moving slowly at first and then faster. “I’ll be back, Colin! I’ll get help! I promise!”
He saw Colin lift his hand in a weak wave before collapsing back onto the damp ground, then he turned and trotted forward, chanting Colin’s instructions like a mantra.Find camp. Find Trent. Get help.
Tree limbs slapped at his legs as he ran. The wind whipped around him, icy and sharp, biting at his skin, but he keptmoving, his tennis shoes slapping against the mud as he followed the course of the rushing water.
He had always been afraid of the dark, and tonight, he felt more frightened than ever. He’d spent days locked in a darkened room, tormented by an abusive father, left all alone to struggle with his pain and terror. Butthisdarkness was different. This darkness wasn’t inflicted upon him by an abusive parent. This darkness challenged him to move past those memories—move past those fears—and be strong for a man who had never once let him down. A man who had never once used fear and pain as a weapon against him.
He heard his father’s voice, vicious and cruel: “You’re worthless!” The memory twisted like a knife, but he shook his head, his fists clenching. “You’rewrong,” he whispered, his voice a rasp in his throat. “Colinbelievesin me.”
A branch snapped behind him, and Alex froze, his heart slamming against his ribs. He spun around, eyes wide, searching the darkness. But nothing moved. Just shadows and the sound of the wind. He swallowed hard, his throat tight. “I can be afraid,” he whispered, his voice shaking, “and still be strong.”
Struggling against his terror and exhaustion, he stumbled forward, tripping over a crooked branch, nearly landing in the water that curled against the shoreline. But something powerful had been awakened within himself. Something more powerful than any fear or weariness: Colin needed him. And Alex would not let him down.
He thought of Colin and Joshua, remembering the laughter the three of them had shared as they picked out the prizes for each Camp Pride activity. He remembered the game of catch that had brought Colin into his life. He remembered Colin’s kindness and friendship. He thought about Joshua, recalling the love he had seen flow between these two men who had become so important to him. He knew what it would do to Joshua if helost Colin. And he knew what it would do tohimto have to stand before Joshua and confess that he’d let Colin down. That he’d left him, lying injured in the dark to struggle alone. “No way!” Alex blurted out, quickening his pace. “Not going to happen! Fear can go fuck off!”
The river bent sharply, its currents clawing at a tangled heap of rocks and branches that blocked his path. Alex gritted his teeth, shoving his way through the jagged debris, sharp edges scraping his palms. Icy water surged around his ankles, threatening to pull him back, but he forced his way through. And as he stumbled past the last of the twisted branches, he looked up—and there, glinting just beyond the bend, was the glow of a campfire, a beacon of hope in the dark night. He’d found them! A burst of joy and relief burst in his chest as he broke into a run, moving swiftly, yelling as he ran. “Trent!” he called out. “Trent! Colin’s hurt! He needs you!”
He reached the campsite and collapsed against Trent, gripping his arm, shaking it, and pointing back along the river’s winding course. “He’s lying next to the water. His ankle’s busted, and something’s wrong in his chest! He has a flashlight, but I don’t know how long it’ll last.”
“How far, Alex? How far away is he?” Trent asked, already on his feet and reaching for his backpack.
“Colin thought it was maybe a mile.”
