Joshua shifted his gaze. Colin sprawled in his chair, the fabric of his shirt bunching to reveal taut muscle. The stubble on his jaw, the weariness in his eyes—he looked maddeninglygood. Too good, and he swallowed hard, his fingers tightening into a fist. He should be focused, should say something—but the way Colin’s hand curled around the mug, his lips lingering just a beat too long, had Joshua’s mind scattering in all the wrong directions. It was maddening how exhaustion only made him look more touchable. More kissable. More fuckable.
Colin arched a brow. “What?”
Joshua forced himself to blink, struggling to find words that didn’t sound like: ‘Take me to bed and fuck me senseless’.
“You want the truth?”
“Always.” Colin set the mug on the desk and moved his chair closer to Joshua’s. His large hands wrapped around Joshua’s wrists, pulling him nearer. “Look at me,” he rasped, his voice low, demanding, and incredibly sexy.
“That’s what got me into trouble in the first place. Looking at you.”
One of Colin’s hands shot forward and caught Joshua’s T-shirt in an iron grip, jerking him forward into a kiss that sucked the air from his lungs and inflated the heat in his chest into an inferno of wild desire. He whimpered as Colin’s tongue caressed his own, claiming his mouth, claiming every part of him. He ached to feel Colin’s strength envelop him. To feel those strong arms around him, possessing him, owning him.
“Colin,” he moaned. “I need you. Need to feel you close to me. I need you.” He felt suddenly hollow, incomplete, empty. His encounter with the boy had torn open old wounds, leaving him raw and exposed. His need for Colin was not a physical yearning—it had become something more, something deeper, something hidden in his soul.
Colin pulled back just enough to search Joshua’s face. His honeyed-green eyes were filled with understanding and love. His grip on Joshua’s T-shirt loosened, and his fingers spread across his chest in a soothing touch.
“I’ve got you, bud,” he murmured, his voice husky but gentle. “I’m right here. You’re safe.”
Joshua shuddered, shaking all over. He pressed closer, seeking the comfort of Colin’s warmth, the solid presence that grounded him when the harshness of his past threatened to overwhelm him.
Colin cupped Joshua’s jaw, brushing his thumb over Joshua’s cheekbone, his touch reverent. “Come here.” His voice was a command wrapped in tenderness, and Joshua obeyed without hesitation. Colin drew him onto his lap, and Joshua clutched him close, feeling his soul-deep emptiness being healed, being filled with the steady, unshakable love that had never failed him.
Colin’s arms locked around him, letting him feel his strength, his resolve. For a long time, they sat together, wrapped in each other’s warmth. “Tighter …” Joshua whispered, his voice a rasping plea. “Hold metighter.”
Colin knew this wasn’t an appeal for sexual union. His expression darkened as his strong arms constricted around his husband, rocking him, clutching him almost painfully close. “I know, baby. I know. We’re home. We’re together. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” His fingers mapped the familiar curve of Joshua’s back as he repeated his murmured assurance. “I’ve got you, my love.”
He felt Joshua’s shaking ease as his body slowly relaxed. His shuddering breaths turned to soft sighs as he nestled against Colin’s body. “Sorry about that,” he whispered at last.
“Why are you sorry?”
Joshua let out a shaky breath, his fingers curling into Colin’s shirt. “I just… I hate falling apart like that. I should be able to handle it.”
Colin’s grip on him tightened, his voice firm but gentle. “Youarestrong, Josh. Strength isn’t about pretending you don’tfeel things. It’s about facing those feelings. You’re the one who showed me how to live through it, not hide from it.”
Joshua swallowed hard, pressing his face into Colin’s shoulder. “I just—” His voice cracked, and he shook his head. “That kid … what he’s been through. It hit too close to home.”
Colin’s hand slid up to cradle the back of Joshua’s head. “I know. And you should know you don’t have to carry that burden alone.” He hesitated for a moment, and Joshua felt his muscles bunch and his arms tighten. “We need to take this to another level,” he whispered against Joshua’s ear. Then Colin rose, lifting Joshua in his arms, and strode toward their bedroom.
Joshua’s breath caught. The strength in Colin’s arms—effortless, unshakable—held him as if holding him were the most natural thing in the world. But it wasn’t. No one had ever carried him before. Not as a child, not in moments of exhaustion or comfort, not in play or affection. His body tensed on instinct, his mind grasping for some frame of reference, but there was none. Colin had lifted him into his arms, as if the weight of him had never been in question. As if lifting Joshua into his arms was the most natural thing in the world.
A slow, trembling breath left his lips as he curled his arms tighter around Colin’s neck. It was new. Unfamiliar. And yet, wrapped in Colin’s strength, it felt like the safest place he’d ever been. Colin’s warmth surrounded him, the unyielding power that had always been his refuge—but in a way he’d never known before.
Joshua felt something in his chest crack open, a vulnerability he hadn’t expected but couldn’t deny.
He pressed his forehead against Colin’s neck, breathing him in.I don’t have to hold myself up all the time,he realized, his grip tightening.Not when he’s here.
“You’ve neverdonethis before,” Joshua whispered, his arms tight around Colin’s neck, his voice shaking with something close to awe.
“Donewhat?” Colin asked as he lowered Joshua to their bed.
“Carried me.”
Colin shrugged and began to strip off his clothes. “Actually, I have. You just don’t remember.” He gestured to Joshua. “Get undressed, pretty boy.”
Joshua climbed out of bed and began to remove his clothing. “Youhave?”
Colin nodded and tossed his jeans onto a chair. “Carried you to the gurney the night Page attacked you.” He glanced up at Joshua and smiled. “Carried you into David’s cabin once when you fell asleep on the glider.”
