“Stop!” Joshua interrupted. “Stop right there.” He touched Colin’s cheek. “Did we not agree when we first hooked up thatanytimeanything we did in bed hurt, I would tell you so, straight out and honest?”
“We did.”
“So, no. You didnothurt me. In fact…” He peered at Colin’s face, his face flushed. “I kind oflikedit.”
“That I was a little rough?”
“That you were...” Joshua pressed his lips together and hesitated. “That you werepassionate!” He kissed his husband, then kissed him again. “It was hot as fuck.”
“I wasrough, Josh. I knew it when I was doing it. But I liked it too, and you didn’t say anything, so…” He wrinkled his nose and frowned.
“Nobodywas complaining, far as I could tell,” Joshua said with a quick grin. “So, feel free to get…passionateanytime you like.”
Colin stared at him in silence for a moment, then climbed out of bed. “I’m gonna shower. I’ll be back in a few.”
“Colin? What’s wrong?”
Colin bent over him and kissed him. “Nothing’s wrong, bud. I’m just not comfortable with the rough stuff. It can get out of hand too easily, especially when we’ve been drinking.” He sat on the side of the bed and took Joshua’s hand. “I loved it too. And itwashot. But I won’t take a chance that it could go too far, even accidentally. I’d hate myself if I hurt you.”
“Colin, your dick has a big huge handle attached to it calledColin Campbell-Abrams. If anything we do ever hurts me, I’ll grab that handle and say: ‘Hey! That hurts!’ And until Ido…” He peered up at Colin and winked. “Feel free to—you know—carry on, wayward son.”
Colin nodded and stood. “I get it, bud. But I’m still not comfortable with that kind of stuff.” Joshua opened his mouth to speak, but Colin held up a hand to stop him. “Gonna take a shower.”
But Joshua sat up and grabbed Colin’s hand. “Colin,wait!”
Colin peered down at him, eyebrows raised in question.
“D’you know why it’s OK that we indulge in a little impassioned lovemaking now and then? Even if itdoesget a little rough?”
“Because it gets us both hot?”
“No. Because I trust you. I trust you completely. I trust you with every fiber of my being. I wouldn’thaveto say anything, Colin. I’dneverhave to say anything. You’d know. You’d see it. You’dfeelit. And I don’t care how drunk you were… you’d stop. Because that’s the kind of man you are, myYedid. And that’s the kind of man you always will be.”
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
CHARLOTTESVILLE
“Idunno,” Nate said to Colin. “To me, marriage has to be a partnership. Everything fifty-fifty.”
Colin peered at him, one eye quirking as if pondering his statement. They were at the gate at the Seattle-Tacoma airport, waiting to board the jet that would fly them home to Charlottesville, and were engaged in one of the rambling, teasing, revealing conversations that characterized their friendship. “What if one of you doesn’t have fifty percent togive?”
“Colin, what the hell are you…”
“Nate, there are nights when I don’t haveanythingleft to give. Nights when I get home, crawl in the door and say to him: ‘Josh, please don’t ask me for anything tonight because I tried a child abuse case today, and I left it all on the courtroom floor. I got nothing.”
Colin bowed his head for a moment, then lifted it. For another moment, he was silent, then he turned and kissed Joshua’s shoulder. “And he’ll tell me: ‘I got you, babe. I got this. No sweat. You just breathe. I’ll take care of everything else.”
He leaned toward Nate and shrugged. “And that’s it. I don’t have to talk. I don’t have to interact. I don’t have to respond. I don’t have to touch or be touched or kiss or be kissed. He doesn’t ask questions. He won’t ask to cuddle. He won’t ask if I liked dinner. He doesn’t touch me. He won’t even hold my hand. He’ll sit beside me and breathe with me. And we’ll watch some stupid TV show, and he’ll ensure it’s benign. Nothing emotional. God knows nothing legal! No cop shows. Just some silly, unemotional thing that’ll get us through the evening. Then we’ll go upstairs, get in bed, wrap our arms around each other, and just…breathe.”
Nate nodded and reached to press Colin’s arm. “You married a great guy.”
“So did I,” Joshua told him, then nudged Colin’s arm and nodded toward the gate. “We’re boarding.”
* * *
Eight hours later,they entered their home on the Rivanna River, both staggering with exhaustion. Joshua leaned over the back of the couch, his luggage on the floor at his feet, his head low, while Colin moved to the kitchen to check the back door.
“Lord god,” Joshua breathed out, then lifted his head and surveyed the room. Behind their octagon-shaped dining room windows, it was dark, and beyond the dining room, the kitchen lights blazed. He heard Colin open the refrigerator.
