Colin nodded. As the van began to move, he took Joshua’s hand and turned away, gazing out the window.
The drive to the eagle preserve took almost twenty minutes through some of the most beautiful country they had ever seen. Nate chattered away, pointing out various scenic views and reading from the pamphlet that described their upcoming excursion. But Colin seemed lost in thought. He spoke little, and his gaze remained fixed on the far-off mountains.
Joshua watched him, his heart aching with sadness. He had worked with Colin as a Title IX coordinator for nearly a year before their relationship flowered into romance. During that time, Colin’s steadfast refusal to consider their relationship anything other than a series of casual sexual encounters had shattered his heart. He’d known he was in love with the handsome Irish cop but resisted any hope that those feelings would ever be reciprocated. He’d knownnothingof the trauma Colin endured when his beloved sister took her own life. He’d known only that the man he loved suffered with every assault case they investigated. Now, he laced their fingers together and leaned against Colin’s broad shoulder, hugging his arm, sure that the day’s interview had awakened memories of his sister’s pain and of the years of suffering he had endured since her passing.
At the launch area, guides led them to their rafts and, after handing out life jackets, instructed them on the protocols that would ensure their safety during the excursion. The two couples were the only passengers, and as their guide eased the raft onto the water, Joshua saw Colin draw in a deep breath. The air was crisp and refreshing, carrying the scent of pine and the coolness of the spectacular glacier, clearly visible on the side of the mountain, a tremendous blue-white swath.
The guide paddled the raft with smooth, even strokes, the tranquility surrounding them broken only by the occasional cries of eagles and the gentle lapping of water. Several times fully matured birds rose into the air, their wings outspread against the sky as they flew, creating a stunning image for the travelers below. As two of the enormous predators rose at the same time, their guide smiled and gestured at the sight. “They’re putting on quite a show today.”
“They’re saying ‘thank you’ to Joshua,” Nate told the guide. “For saving one of their brothers.”
The guide’s eyes widened. “You saved an eagle?”
“No,” Joshua told him. “The Juneau Raptor Center folks saved him. All I did was spot him lying on the Mendenhall Glacier.”
The guide nodded. “Well, thank you anyway. He’ll probably end up here once he’s healed.”
Joshua linked his arm with Colin’s as they perched together on the raft. His husband had not spoken since the excursion began, but Joshua saw his eyes move from treetop to treetop as the raft eased its way through the water, searching always for the majestic birds of prey who called this pristine riverbed their home.
Still recovering from the emotional toll of the morning, Colin reached out to this untouched wilderness as an ailing man might reach for a healing elixir. Ancient wisdom seemed to speak within him as he gazed at the beauty of his surroundings, assuring him that the unspoiled purity of nature could cleanse his mind and heart of distress. A sense of renewal and healing touched his spirit while overhead, the stars of the show, the lordly bald eagles, soared above the trees, their wings reflecting in the glacier-fed waters.
“There you see an immature bald eagle,” their guide told them, pointing to a young eagle perched in a nearby tree, his unremarkable brown feathers barely visible against the leaves.
“Are there any wolves here?” Colin asked.
“We sometimes see them along the shoreline,” their guide told him. “But it’s rare. They’re timid creatures and want nothing to do with us.”
Colin nodded. “Yeah. Can’t say I blame them.”
Joshua fought off a nearly overpowering urge to question Colin about his feelings but forced himself to remain silent. He already knew how Colin felt and didn'tneedan answer. What he needed was reassurance. But his husband was dealing with his own pain.“I won’t do it,”Joshua thought.“I won’t ask him to add my anxiety to every other burden he carries. Not now. Not today.”
He felt Colin pull his hand free from Joshua’s grasp, and his heart sank. Then he felt an arm settle around his shoulders and draw him close. “I’m sorry,” Colin whispered against Joshua’s hair.
“For what?”
“I’ve ignored you.”
“You’ve been lost in your thoughts,” Joshua said, leaning against him. “In your memories. Do you think I don’t understand how upsetting today was foryou?”
Colin nuzzled against Joshua’s hair, then kissed his cheek. “I know you understand. You always understand.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” Joshua replied with a soft laugh. “Sometimes you confuse the living hell out of me.”
“Sometimes I do that on purpose.”
Joshua leaned against Colin’s shoulder, laughing.
“We stop here for lunch,” their guide told them as he steered the raft toward the shoreline. “Everything’s all ready for us.”
A picnic lunch of sandwiches, fruit, and drinks waited, and the four men grabbed their food and went to sit near the water.
“This has just been…” David paused as if struggling to find the right words. “Moving,” David said at last. “This place is just incredibly moving. The beauty of these surroundings and the majesty of these birds…” He shook his head. “It touches something almost…spiritualinside you.”
“That’s the word I’d pick, too,” Colin replied. “It’s like…” He paused, then inhaled a deep breath, taking in the sweet scent of the clean, fresh air. “It’s like you come here filled with pain and darkness and grief, and you look at that glacier, and you breathe in this air, and you hear the water, and you see these eagles soaring overhead… and you’recleanagain! It washes your spirit clean.”
“Colin, that’s just perfect,” Nate said, leaning against his arm. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thankme,” Colin told Nate, smiling as he gave him a one-armed hug. “Thank the eagles.”
