“But emotional nakedness?” Colin continued. “Terrifies me.”
Joshua nodded and gave a small shrug. “That’s why you find it hard to cry.” He opened his mouth to speak again, then hesitated.
“What? C’mon, Josh. This isn’t a time to stay silent.”
“I was tempted to ask you what truth about yourself you shared with this.” He lifted the key ring.
Colin gave a slight shrug. “Probably that I’m still afraid you won’t.”
“Won’t come home safe,” Joshua said, clutching the key ring tight in his hand.
Colin nodded.
“Well, my darling Irishman, all I can promise is I will do my best to always come home safe to you.”
“Well, logically, that should make me feel better. But as my husband, the shrink, has told me many times, my fear doesn’t flow from a logical place.”
“Wise words,” Joshua said with a smirk. He took Colin’s hand and ran his fingertips down Colin’s fingers and across his palm. “You have such beautiful hands,” he murmured. “Theylooklike a craftsman’s hands: large, strong, and beautifully shaped.” He lifted Colin’s hand to his lips and kissed his fingers. “I love feeling your hands on me.”
“Well, you’re not the only one.”
“I don’t mean sexually, or at least notjustthat. I love it when you lay your hand against my cheek. I love it when you touch my hair, take my hand while we’re walking, or take my arm.” He held Colin’s hand in both of his. “I love the way your hands feel. They’re powerful, and yet their touch is so gentle.”
Colin bowed his head. “Thank you, my sweet boy.”
Joshua smiled and, once again, lifted Colin’s hand to his lips, brushing them across the hard knuckles. “I put myself in these hands a long time ago,” he murmured against Colin’s skin. “I trust them to always keep me safe: mind, heart, body, and soul.” He looked into his husband’s eyes. “I walked through my life scared to death of everything before I met you, Colin. But not anymore. I’m not afraid anymore.” He rested his cheek against Colin’s palm. “Not while you’re near me.” He turned his face and kissed his husband’s palm. “And one day, my love, you won’t be either.”
“I hope you’re right.”
For a moment Joshua hesitated, pondering the wisdom of his words, and then he met Colin’s eyes. “Everyone dies, my love. And if someday I don’t come home…”
“Josh,don’t!”
“No, baby,listento me! That’s not nearly as important as you and I living every single day, every single experience, every single kiss, every single smile, embrace, and moment of love to itsfullest! It’s not death that matters; my Yedid, it’slife.” He kissed his husband and held him close, then whispered: “It’sthis!” He pushed Colin back and touched his cheek. “You know?”
Colin smiled and drew him into his arms. “In other words, live in the moment.” He gave a soft laugh and nuzzled against Joshua’s hair. “Now, where have I heardthatbefore?”
* * *
The following morning,the four travelers took one final stroll through the streets of Kilkenny, then after breakfast, they returned to their van and drove southeast toward County Cork and Blarney Castle. On the way, they paused at the Rock of Cashel and spent an hour wandering through the Golden Vale, contemplating the stunning cluster of medieval buildings.
Colin, Joshua, and David enjoyed their time touring the ancient structures, but Nate was vocal in his impatience. “Comeon, you guys,” he urged after only a few minutes. “It’s old buildings! Ireland is full of old buildings. Let’s go!”
Colin snickered as Nate shoved him toward the parking lot. “Youthatdamned eager to kiss that old, germy stone?”
“Are you kidding? Isn’t that why everyone comes to Ireland? To kiss the Blarney Stone?”
“Seriously, Nate?Seriously?” Colin blustered, half-stumbling as Nate nudged him forward, too outraged by his question to notice that Joshua and David were snickering behind their hands as they trailed after Colin and Nate.
“Someof us come for the beautiful scenery,” David reminded his husband, hauling Nate to his side as they approached the rental van.
“Some of us come to see our family!” Colin muttered, yanking the door open.
“I’m a writer!” Nate protested. “Ineedthe gift of gab! Ineedto be glib and articulate!”
“And you think youaren’t?” Joshua inquired, laughing.
“Thereissuch a thing as overkill,” Colin said, scowling into the back seat. “You get anymoregoddamn glib, and we’ll have your tongue amputated.”
