“Colin, it was said in jest. I think you know that.” He took his seat and leaned toward his husband. “Don’t you?”
Colin squirmed in his chair. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “I know. Sorry. I’m just…” He grimaced and picked up his fork. “I’m just in a foul mood. Maybe I’m more upset than I realized.”
“Eat,” Joshua encouraged. He picked up his fork and pointed to Colin’s food. “It’ll improve your mood… and mine.”
Colin nodded and scooped up a forkful of meatloaf.
“And about that vacation you claim to need?” Joshua said. “How about a long weekend in the Big Apple?”
Colin glanced up, his food halfway to his mouth. “Go see Nate?”
“Well, if we went there anddidn’tsee Nate, he’d probably throw fifteen hissy fits, one right after the other.”
Colin nodded. “I’m definitely up forthat.”
“Going to New York? Or watching Nate having fifteen hissy fits.”
“Both would be entertaining.”
“So… you’ll talk to Esther?”
Colin nodded, staring down at his plate. Then, finally, he sighed and set his fork down. “Can I confess something to you that makes me ashamed? Something I can’t get off my mind?”
Joshua leaned back, his eyes narrowing in surprise. “Ofcourse! But—”
Colin held up his hand to stop Joshua’s protest. “Iwantedit to be murder, Josh,” he confessed. “Or at least part of me did. I wanted the notoriety that comes with prosecuting a big murder case. I couldfeelmyself getting excited about it. The press. The attention. The fuckingmayorpatting me on the back.” He hissed out a disgusted breath and scowled. “Jesus! Sometimes I don’t like myself very much.”
Joshua covered Colin’s hand with his own. “Listen to me. Every baseball player alivewantsto hit a home run or make a diving catch that wins the game. Every actor alive wants a standing ovation or to be nominated for an award.” He leaned closer to Colin and gripped his hand tightly. “That doesn’t make you a bad person! On the contrary, it makes you a man who wants to succeed at what he does and appreciates having that success validated!”
“Maybe I appreciate it a little too much.”
Joshua set his fork down. “Oh, Colin, that’s nonsense. D’you think I don’t enjoy having my work published in national psychology magazines? D’you think I don’tlovethe attention and applause I get when I present at some school like Harvard?Everyoneloves positive feedback, Colin. It’s just…humanto want that kind of validation.” He nudged his husband’s arm and winked. “Youarehuman, you know.”
“Mmm,” Colin grumbled, then smiled at his husband. “OK. I’ll talk to Esther tomorrow about getting a long weekend.” His expression dulled, and he puffed out a weary sigh. “I need a break from being an attorney.”
“You’ll still be an attorney in the Big Apple, my love.” He gestured at Colin’s plate. “Now, finish your meatloaf soIcan feel like a success!”
“How’s Nate doing? Did David say?”
Joshua stood and picked up his empty plate. “He said that Nate’s overdoing it. Taking on tasks that don’t align with being a playwright.”
“How come?”
“Because he had to give that director a hard smackdown, and now he’s afraid the guy’s gunning for him. Looking to undermine the play’s success.”
Colin narrowed his eyes and nodded. “I can’twaitto meet this asshole.”
“Now, honey…”
“If he thinksNategives a hard smackdown, wait ’til he gets a load ofmine!”
“Oh, lordgod,” Joshua moaned as he carried their dinner plates into the kitchen.
Colin rose and followed him, then nestled against his body from behind, nuzzling the soft skin under his ear. “You worried I’m gonna kick his ass?”
“Something like that.” He turned to face Colin and wrapped both arms around his neck. “Though I suspect Nate would turn cartwheels. David told me he’s feeling like the only living boy in New York.”
Colin smirked and kissed Joshua’s cheek. “He may be lonely now, but we’ll take care ofthat.”
