“Have you talked to him?”
“Yeah. Yesterday for a few minutes.” He shot Joshua a look and shrugged, mugging comically. “About what you’d expect. But he’s going up there next weekend.”
“Man!” Joshua muttered. “I sure hope Nate has enough success in New York to make all this drama worthwhile.”
“Mmm,” Colin grumbled.
“I take it you disagree.”
Colin scowled and blew out a long, unhappy breath. “I don’t think it’s drama exactly. I just hate it when—”
But Joshua cut him off before he could finish. “—your comfortable, happy, safe routine gets disrupted?”
For a long moment, Colin stared at him without saying a word, and Joshua felt a shiver run up his spine. Finally, Colin spoke, his voice a flat, emotionless monotone. “Veryfucking funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be—”
“No, you wereshrinkingme,” Colin muttered, then got to his feet and strode toward the living room.
Joshua winced. “Sorry.”
“I’m old enough to remember when you refused to evendiscussbeing my therapist.”
“I’m not being your therapist.”
“Damnright, you’re not,” Colin shot back, and Joshua winced again when he heard Colin’s footsteps thumping up the stairs.
“Damnit,” Joshua muttered. “Goddammit!” He wandered up the stairs and found Colin in their bedroom, changing his shirt. “Honey, I’m sorry.”
Colin’s mouth twisted in annoyance, and he gave Joshua a sideways glance. “Myfavoritewords.”
“Fine. How about ‘I apologize’?”
Colin adjusted his shirt, then stared down at the floor for a moment, thinking. When he turned to Joshua, his lips were pressed into a thin line, and his brows were furrowed. Joshua drew in a deep breath.Whatever’s on his mind, he doesn’t want to say it,he thought.And that scares me.
“You sometimes sound smug andsuperior when you say that kind of thing,” Colin told him. “And that really bothers me. That’s not shrinking me, Josh. That I can deal with. That’sjudgingme.” He shot Joshua a sideways glance. “AndthatI find harder to take.”
“Oh god, Colin, I’m so sorry it sounded that way! He moved to his husband’s side, feeling his body ache with regret. “Honest to god, that isnothow I meant it.”
“OK. Don’t get all…het up,” Colin said, wrapping an arm around him. “I just felt like I had to say it.”
“Of course you did,” Joshua told him. He threw both arms around Colin’s neck and kissed his cheek.
“Now, let it go,” Colin said, half-laughing. “It’s not that big a deal.”
“You’re wrong,” Joshua muttered. “It is a big deal because it’s thelastthing I ever want you to think of me.” He leaned back and met Colin’s eyes.
Colin set down on the bed and pulled Joshua down beside him.
“When I get neurotic, I go into psychologist mode to try to calm myself,” Joshua said.
“I have no idea what that even means. You’renotneurotic.”
Joshua laughed and pressed a kiss to Colin’s throat. “My darling, I am a world-class neurotic! But twenty years of therapy have taught me how to disguise it.” He shot his husband a look. “Mostof the time.”
“What are you…” Colin stopped and coughed out a frustrated breath.
Joshua pressed his lips together. “Neurotic people react to things that scare them in ways that are drastic and irrational. I’m reacting all over the place to Nate being gone. To David’s sadness. To your fear that he won’t come back. It’s making me stupid, and when I need a shrink themostis when I tend to spout psychobabble at people who don’t need one atall.”
