“Don’t feel that way. You did nothing to be sorryfor!None of this is on you, sweetie. And much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. I need to back off and let you handle your own recovery. It’s just that...” He shot Joshua a sheepish glance.
Joshua’s brow arched. “It’s just that...” he encouraged.
“Well, first off, it’s hard for me to back off. I worry about you constantly and…” He hesitated and sighed. “I know I can be a mega control freak with people I love. Secondly, I’ve read about severe concussions on the web, and I know that sometimes these personality changes are...arepermanent.”
“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Joshua muttered. “Read about this stuff on the web.”
“I need to know what toexpect, Josh.”
“But that’snotwhat you should expect,” Joshua said, gripping Colin’s shoulder. “Those cases are extremely rare and almost always involve pre-existing conditions or some other ancillary factor like previous head injuries!” He leaned closer to his husband. “None of that applies to me, Colin.”
For a moment his head dropped, then he met Colin’s eyes again. “Someof my behavior can be attributed to the concussion. Some of it has just beenmebeing a pissy little twat and hasnothingto do with my concussion.” He touched Colin’s cheek. “And even though you hate the words, Iamsorry for causing you undue worry.”
Colin studied him for a moment, then took the hand gripping his shoulder and pressed it to his cheek. “From the time that Kathy died,” he said, his voice low and heavy with emotion, “I taught myself notto look for happiness in others. I relied on myself and no one else. It was lonely, but I endured it because I knew I could never bear the pain of being betrayed like that again.”
He drew in a shaky breath. “But when I met you, Josh, all of that changed. A little at a time, as my feelings for you grew, I began to do what I’d never,everdone before: I looked for my happiness in someone else. I looked for my happiness inyou. And the greatest miracle of my life is that Ifoundmy happiness in you. I found it inusand in the life we share. And I've never been sorry, baby. Never once.”
He pressed Joshua’s palm to his lips, then gazed, once again, into Joshua’s chocolate-brown eyes. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t make me sorry now. Do as our doctor asked, because I can’thavethat happiness if you’re not getting better.”
“I will do what Adam said.”
“Josh, I—”
“Listen,” Joshua interrupted. “You know how I feel about saying ‘I promise’. But this time, I’m asking you to trust me. To have faith in me. And to believe me when I say, Ipromiseyou that I will take care of myself the same wayyou’dtake care of me.”
He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Colin’s lips. “So, tell Esther you’ll go back to work on Monday. You need to get back to being an attorney.”
“I’ll tell her I’ll be back on Tuesday. We’re not coming back from the cabin until Monday.”
Joshua leaned forward into Colin’s arms. “God, I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you,” Colin murmured, his arms tightening around his husband’s shoulders.
* * *
The followingday Joshua came to Colin with a request. He had cooked their meals ever since he first moved into Colin’s apartment. He was a natural cook, and making their dinner had always been his favorite household chore. But since he’d come home from the hospital, Colin had been grabbing takeout for them, or performing his own version of ‘cooking dinner’ which usually consisted of microwaved pizza and a store-bought salad. With this in mind, Joshua asked him: “How about letting me cook dinner tonight? Nothing fancy. Something simple for the two of us.”
“No ‘Couscous Royale’?”
“No. Maybe a simple stir-fry?”
“Ok, bud. You got it. Tell me what you need, and I’ll go get it.” He wrapped his arms around Joshua’s neck “And I’ve decided something else. You can have ten minutes out of every hour on your iPad or your phone.” He held up a finger. “Ten minutes, then you have to put it down.”
Joshua laughed and buried his face against Colin’s neck. “Dare I say: ‘Thank you, Daddy’?” Joshua teased.
“You donot!” Colin said with a shudder. “Jesus, I hate thatdaddyshit!”
“And I can come...” He paused, then began again. “I’d like to come with you to the grocery store. The walking might be good for me.”
“I worry about a lot of people being there. Elbowing you. It’s a lot of sensory input.”
“Sensoryinput?” Joshua repeated, giggling. He tightened his arms around Colin’s neck. “I love hearing you use the wordssensory input. What’s next? ‘Over-stimmed?”
“OK, yeah,” Colin confessed with a sheepish grin. “I read about sensory input on the web.”
Joshua giggled again. “I love you so much,” he said, then kissed Colin with fierce hunger. “And, damn, I’vemissedthis!” He leaned back and held up his hand then spoke with solemn reverence. “I swear and affirm that I shall not become over-stimmed by the shoppers at Whole Foods.”
“OK. Just this once,” Colin grumbled. “We’ll see how you do.” He returned Joshua’s kiss, his tongue caressing his mouth, gliding over the abrasions still visible on his lips. “And I’ve missed it too.”
