Colin knelt and removed Joshua’s shoes and socks, then unsnapped and unzipped his jeans. “Lean on my shoulder and stand up, baby, and I’ll get these jeans off you.”
Once they were both stripped to their underwear Colin pulled back the covers and helped Joshua crawl into bed before climbing in beside him.
“Oh my god,” Joshua breathed out, staring up at their bedroom ceiling. “This is like a dream come true. Being here, in our own bed, with you.” He tilted to one side side and caressed his husband’s cheek. “Remembering moments like this one are what gave me hope,” he told Colin. “I’d cling to those memories when everything inside of me wanted to give up.”
Colin drew Joshua into his arms and held him close. “My sweet boy,” he whispered, nearly choked by his own tears. “My beloved boy. Thank god, you’re here with me.” He kissed Joshua’s forehead. “Now go to sleep, my darling.”
“No welcome home fuck?” Joshua teased, poking Colin’s ribs with his index finger.
“I think I’ll wait until you’re off the critical list,” Colin murmured against his cheek. “God knows I’d love it, but I don’t think you’re ready.”
Joshua laughed softly; his head cradled on Colin’s shoulder. “You may be right,” he murmured. And his voice was already husky with sleepiness. “Night, night, darling.”
“Night, night,” Colin whispered. He settled Joshua onto his pillow and brushed a stray dark curl from his forehead, then leaned on an elbow and stared down into his husband’s face. Joshua’s handsome features were still misshapen and mottled with dark purple bruises. The dark curly hair which Colin loved was ragged. Emergency room attendants, desperate to expose Joshua’s four-inch-long head wound so it could be sutured, had hacked at his hair in a haphazard frenzy. Colin smiled and twisted a single, perfect curl around his finger.It’ll grow back, he thought.
He leaned over Joshua watching him sleep, mesmerized by the slow, even swell of his breathing, feeling his heart expand with gratitude as he gazed. “I could watch you all night,” he whispered. Determined to remember this moment, he bent and pressed the softest of kisses to Joshua’s brow. “You don’t even belong to yourself right now,” he whispered. “You’re mine. All mine.”
When Joshua awoke the next morning, Colin was bending over him. He smiled when Joshua crooked his brow as if puzzled. “What’re you doing?” he asked, his voice still drowsy.
“Watching you sleep,” Colin told him. “Been watching you off and on all night.”
Joshua’s fingers drifted across Colin’s forehead, brushing back the sandy curls that rested there. “Wasn’t that kinda boring?”
“Not to me.”
“Watching me dream and drool wasn’t boring?”
“The most perfect definition of paradise I can think of is you lying here beside me sleeping.” He bent and brushed his lips across Joshua’s. “It’s a sight I will never, ever take for granted.”
* * *
During his firstdays at home Joshua struggled with the notion of spending his time at rest. He was used to being both physically and mentally active. Before he was abducted, he often jogged with Colin, read voraciously, spent time editing soon-to-be-published articles on his iPad, played video games, and of course devoted considerable time and energy to helping his patients. All of these pursuits were now on Adam Casey’s ‘forbidden’ list.
It took less than a week for Colin to find himself walking a tenuous emotional tightrope when dealing with his husband. He longed to care for him, to make this time of healing as easy and pleasant for him as possible. But at the same time Dr. Casey had warned him not to indulge Joshua when he became overly agitated and to be firm about making sure that Joshua got the mental and physical rest he needed.
“Don’t baby him when he gets overemotional, Colin,” Doctor Casey advised. “Snap him out of it.”
Colin was never sure what tone to set. He could snap Joshua out of an overemotional moment, but he hated having to raise his voice to his injured husband. At the same time, if he was too over-indulgent, Joshua would end up with dizzy spells and debilitating headaches, both a direct result of his injured brain not getting enough rest.
Added to that was the pressure of knowing he would soon have to go back to work. His fellow attorneys had spilt his cases between them, but this could not be a long-term solution. Plus the fact that he enjoyed his position as a Commonwealth’s Attorney and longed to return to his job. His desire to do his professional duty was at constant war with his desperate need to take care of the man he loved.
“Colin, go back to work on Monday,” Joshua insisted. “You can let me out of your sight for eight hours. I won’t go bonkers.”
“Listen, you haven’t been all that easy to cope with during this—thisconvalescentperiod,” Colin grumbled. “If I don’t watch you like a hawk, I catch you doing things you know damned well Casey doesn’t want you doing! So how the hell can I feel good about going back to the office? You make it hard, Josh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“My twofavoritefucking words.”
Joshua lowered his head, then turned away in silence and wandered into the living room and sat down. Colin breathed out a frustrated sigh and followed him. “Look,” he said, lowering himself to the floor at Joshua’s feet. “I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have barked. I’m worried about you.”
“You can go back to work, Colin,” Joshua murmured. “I promise I’ll sit here and stare at the wall until ‘Daddy’ gets home.”
“Goddammit, Josh!” Colin blurted, surging to his feet. “That’s not fair!”
Joshua shrugged, staring into the unlit fireplace.
For a moment Colin gazed down at him, feeling anger and frustration snowball up his spine in a roaring rush. This had been the pattern ever since Joshua came home. He would disregard Dr. Casey’s warnings and overdo, then alternate between sullen, resentful silence and tear-filled remorse when Colin confronted him.
