“I’m not sure how sweet it is,” Joshua replied then settled against Colin’s chest. “But Iamtelling you ‘no’.”
“Josh...” Colin began.
“Baby, stop,” Joshua insisted. He leaned back to meet Colin’s eyes. “I could not shoot another human being, Colin. I simply couldn’t do it.”
“You could wave it around and yell a lot,” Colin suggested. “Fire it into the air a couple times. Consider it a big noise maker. Scare the shit out of him.”
“I can’t do it. I can’t touch that thing. I can barely stand to look at it.” He kissed Colin several times. “I’m not all that scary evenwitha gun.” He shrugged. “He’d laugh at me, then take the gun and shoot me with it.”
Colin ground out a sigh and pulled away. “Goddammit, Josh!”
“I’ll be careful,” Joshua promised. “I’ll be aware. I can’t take the gun, Colin. I just can’t.”
Colin frowned down at the floor. All the emotions boiling inside him since he had read Shannon Nash’s report crystalized to a fine point—to one horrifying thought that chilled his blood and left him nearly speechless with fear.
“Colin, please don’t be mad at me.”
Colin turned and drew Joshua close in his arms, and Joshua could feel him trembling all over. “I couldn’t bear it if that happened to you, Josh,” he blurted out, his voice husky and shaking. “I didn’t go in that kid’s hospital room. I couldn’t do it. The last thing he needed today was me. But I know what he went through. And all I could think was...” He grabbed Joshua’s shoulders and pushed him back, staring into his eyes, his own eyes wide and anguished. “If that happened toyou...”
“It won’t!” Joshua cried, cutting him off.
“I’d be a murderer,” Colin whispered, his voice like gravel. “Nothing on earth could stop me, Josh. If someone did that to you, I would kill them with my bare hands.”
“Colin!” Joshua half-gasped. “God, don’ttalklike that.” He wrapped both arms around Colin’s neck and drew him close. “Don’t eventhinklike that!”
“Josh,” Colin stammered out. “I couldn’t...”
“Listen to me!” Joshua begged. He captured Colin’s face between his palms. “If I were captured, assaulted—even raped, none of that could destroy me, Colin. I’d get past it somehow. But if you killed the one who did it?”
Colin stared into his eyes, unable to speak.
“You’d go to prison!” Joshua cried. None of your police connections could save you! I’d lose you! Do you thinkanythingcould hurt me more than that? I can heal from anything if we’re together, Colin. But if I lose you...nothing couldeverheal me. Nothing. That’s the one thing that would destroy me.”
Colin’s head dropped.
“Promise me you’ll never, ever do such a thing no matter what happens to me.” Joshua’s hands fell to Colin’s shoulders and he shook him hard. “Promise me!”
Colin lifted his head. Joshua’s face was set in hard, grim lines, and his chocolate-brown eyes burned like fire. “Josh,” he whispered. “Baby, I—”
“No matter whathappens to me!”
Colin nodded. “I promise I’ll try,” he said finally. “I promise I’ll remember what you said to me today.” He drew Joshua close and kissed him. “And I promise I’ll remember how you said it.”
He rocked Joshua in his arms until his trembling eased. “Jesus, baby,” he murmured against Joshua’s hair. “Don’t get so het up!”
“Don’t start with that, Colin,” Joshua snapped, jerking away from Colin’s embrace. “This isn’t funny and I’m not kidding around!”
Colin’s laugh was almost a sneer and he yanked Joshua back into his arms. “How ‘bout I start up with something else instead?” He tangled his fingers in Joshua’s hair and jerked him forward, kissing him with a rough, fevered intensity, an intensity so powerful that Joshua gasped in pain.
“Sweetie,” Joshua whispered. He rested his hand over Colin’s fist as it clutched his ebony curls. “Easy. Easy, big guy,” he breathed out, and after a moment he felt Colin’s fist relax.
Colin choked out a trembling breath as he released Joshua’s hair, and wrapped him tight in his arms. “Oh god, Josh, I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice strangled. He pressed his face against Joshua’s shoulder, holding him with all his strength. “It’s just that—I mean—that report…”
“That report was devastating,” Joshua murmured, and now it was he who rocked Colin inhisarms, giving the comfort of his embrace...his understanding. “I know,” Joshua whispered. “I know.” His own breath caught in his throat. “It’s how I feel when I hear a cop got shot. Thinking of whatcouldhave been. How it could have been you. Could have been...us.” He leaned back and cradled Colin’s cheek in his hand. “But it’s not. And it won’t be.” He drew in a trembling breath then brushed the tears from Colin’s cheek and kissed him.
His kiss was not the gentle touch of lips which was usual for Joshua. This kiss was a hard, probing claiming of Colin’s mouth that was meant to be—and was—devastating in its impact. He bit and suckled Colin’s lips until they swelled with blood, then kissed him again with savage force, his arms locked tight around Colin’s neck.
In one swift motion he swiveled on the couch and straddled Colin’s hips, grinding them together as he continued to ravish Colin’s mouth. His tongue danced and curled against Colin’s, sliding between his parted lips, then retreating to bathe his swollen lips before once again mating with Colin’s in a wet dance that drew moans from both their throats.
