He awoke to the sound of Joshua’s key in the lock and sat up, glancing at his watch. “Hey,” he said as Joshua closed the door and moved around the couch and into the living room.
“Hey yourself.”
“Good session?”
Joshua wrinkled his nose and shrugged. “I guess.”
“Still pissed at me?”
“Never was pissed at you.”
Colin laughed and patted the spot next to him on the couch. “Then let me say, you gave a marvelousimpressionof being pissed at me.”
Joshua sank down beside him. “I know. I sometimes act angry when what I really am is hurt.” He spun to face Colin and took his hand. “I know I’m still showing symptoms. They’re minor, and they don’t happen often, but I see it too.”
“Honey, I don’t—”
“Wait, Colin. Just wait.” He slid his fingers into Colin’s hair and let the nutmeg-colored waves glide between his fingers. “Sweetie, I need a sense of normalcy in my life. I need our old routine back. Or at least as much of it as I can manage.” He looked up into Colin’s eyes. “I need you to stop protecting me.”
“Well,that’snot going to happen!”
Joshua bowed his head and burst into laughter. “What I should have said is I need you to stopover-protecting me.”
Colin nodded. He captured the fingers that were stroking his hair and lifted them to his lips. “I know…I mean I’m aware that…” He husked out a frustrated sigh and shook himself. “Fuck!”
“It’s hard for me too, baby, because I really don’t EVER want younotto be protective of me. It’s the part of our relationship I love most. But I can’t live in a plastic bubble. I need to do the normal, everyday things that made my life...happy! Ilikemaking the bed. Ilikeworking out in the yard. We do those things together, and I love that part of our relationship.”
“You want our old life back,” Colin said.
“God, yes! That’s exactly what I want!”
“That’s what I want too!” Colin told him. “I just don’t want you to...”
“To hurt myself?”
“I guess.”
“Colin, what the fuck can happen to me while I’m making the bed?” Joshua said, extending his hands in a gesture of entreaty.
“You want to go back to work,” Colin said.
“Ineedto go back to work,” Joshua replied. He grabbed Colin’s arm with both hands. “I need to get up in the morning, and get dressed, and make our orange juice, and laugh at you while you trynotto get it all over your tie, and kiss you good-bye when we both head off to our jobs.” He leaned forward and kissed Colin’s cheek.
“Then I need to come home at night and make our dinner, and sit with you while we eat it, and watch TV afterward, and talk about our day, then curl up beside you and go to sleep.” He kissed Colin again. “I needallthat!”
“Me too,” Colin said.
“Then stop fretting over me. If I get overemotional, it’s my job to recognize it and rein it in. If I stub my toe, I’ll get over it. You’ll always protect me from the big stuff, my love. I can handle the small stuff. The emotional issues I still have to deal with will improve rapidly when I’m focused on something other than myself!
He wrapped both arms around Colin’s neck. “Please. I want to go back to work, but if I don’t go with your blessing, I’m going to be miserable.”
“God, Josh, I don’t ever want you to be miserable. And it’s not a question of my ‘blessing’. You don’t need my permission. I suppose...maybe Ihavebeen a little...” He wrinkled his nose and shrugged.
“Alittle!”Joshua blurted, then snickered.
Colin shot him a quick look. “Don’t be a brat now.”
“Who,me?” Joshua said, eyes wide with innocence.
