“You are?” asks Clemence. Worlds colliding, and she’s not sure how she feels about that.
“Ilike second-hand stuff,” says Jillian. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“And I’m willing to overlook the fascism,” jokes Naomi. “Just this once.” The server clearing their plates looks at them strangely as she overhears this, but Naomi doesn’t notice, leaning across the table toward Clemence with her chin in her hands, a sly expression on her face. “And will your ‘unsuitable attachment’ be there?” she asks, her true jumble intentions revealed.
“Imean, probably not,” says Clemence. Probably not now if everybody else is going to be. It’s better if Toby remains theoretical for Clemence’s friends and family. Toby in actuality might be too much to understand. They’d think he was rude and petulant, and they wouldn’t be wrong, and also they wouldn’t understand why it didn’t matter.
“He hasn’t come over again?” asks Naomi. Clemence had told them everything about that night, about the caterpillar, and the meh-standard intimate encounter.Ithadn’t been an experience she was dying to repeat, and Clemence wondered if this was fate’s way of diverting her from a more conventional arrangement. How easily she could have slipped into it all—the dinners with wine, the sex. Next thing, she would have been living in a starkly modern townhouse complex, seven years married, not a physical book in sight.
“Ijust want to know that he’s good enough for you,” says Jillian. “And to make sure that you’re not fooling yourself.”
“But it doesn’t even matter, you know?” says Clemence. “That’s the point. We’re not committed, so it’s inconsequential. The pressure’s off. We’re having fun. Maybe the whole thing is a bad idea, but who cares?” Jillian isn’t buying it. Her judgment is written all over her face. “Come on,” says Clemence. “Dr. Yelp?”
“That’s different,” Jillian insists.
“It always seems different when it’s you,” says Clemence.
“It’s different because my thing is over now,” says Jillian. “Finally. Something Ihad to get out of my system.”
“You said it was over the last time,” says Clemence. “Who’s fooling who?”
“But Imean itnow,” says Jillian, sounding less than sure of herself than she usually did.
“You slept with him again?” asks Naomi, putting the pieces together. Looking at Clemence for confirmation. “Even after we posted our review?”
“Just once,” says Jillian.
“Did he mention the review?” asks Clemence, carefully.
“He didn’t,” says Jillian.
“Maybe he doesn’t monitor his Yelp,” says Naomi. “After all, he’s a very busy man.”
“Ithink even if he does,” says Jillian. “He wouldn’t be able to tell who it’s talking about. Have you seen what’s happened since your review?” They hadn’t. “There’s been a pile-on. Apparently, I’m not the only one he’s been involved with. Apparently, this is a standard part of his counselling practice. Apparently, none of us are special.” And this, after everything, is what cracks Jillian’s heart. Her eyes are wet, which is the Jillian-equivalent of lying on the floor sobbing. “Ifeel like a dumb-ass.”
“You’re not a dumb-ass,” Naomi and Clemence say in chorus.
“He told me that this had never happened before. Like the two of us were in on it together, doing this wild, reckless thing. How come even my recklessness turns out to be underwhelmingly ordinary? And how come Ididn’t see through him? What’s the point of being overeducated if you’re not even savvy?”
“You’re savvy,” says Clemence. “You’re the savviest. This was a one-time lapse in judgment. And didn’t it feel good, in a way? To throw caution to the wind?” She imagines caution as a sarong with a jungle print, like the one Lisa was wearing the first time Clemence made her way over to their hot tub, remembering how afterward the fabric lay in a wild pile of itself on their deck, and how Clemence had felt as she noticed it, the fear, the dread, theelationof knowing that now her life was going to have to change. She says, “There is something interesting sometimes about being the author of bad choices.”
“But that’s the thing,” says Jillian. “That’s what Ithought Iwas doing, but it turns out Iwas just playing a bit part in somebody else’s script. It’s humiliating.”
“But now it’s done,” says Naomi. “You’ve learned some things.”
“Like to get proper referrals for medical professionals,” says Clemence.
“Iliked his photo,” says Jillian. “Ithought he looked safe, and he was the only one listed whose profile didn’t have inspirational quotes.”
“Iguess he helped you figure out what you wanted though. Using unorthodox means. Istill think we should report him,” says Naomi.
“Ialready did,” says Jillian. “When Isaw those posts, the way he’d treated all those other people. Those people were vulnerable and he took advantage of that.”
“He took advantage of you,” pointed out Clemence.
“Ilike to think that Iwas exercising free will,” says Jillian, finishing her drink. “But now I’m not so sure. Ithink that’s why Jeremy has been so forgiving.”
“Well, good,” says Naomi. “Plus, he loves you.”
