“You’re making me want to turn the TV on,” said Adam. “Do you want me to turn the TV on?”
“No. I’m sorry,” Jess said, but not to anyone in particular. She got up and headed for the kitchen. “Anyone else need a drink?”
Clara said, “We’re not going to be up much longer anyway. This is the latest we’ve been awake in such a long time.”
—
They lasted fifteen more minutes. The drive had been tiring, and Clara had had no chance for the afternoon nap she usually took to help her through until the evening. She’d made it until 10 p.m., which was a triumph, but now she needed to get whatever sleep she could before one of the children woke up.
Clara and Nick’s room was next to the one where the children were sleeping—for now. Nick and Clara hadn’t spent a night unaccompanied by a baby or three since Lu’s birth, and so it seemed luxurious to just walk in, flick the light on, and talk in audible tones. The carpet beneath Clara’s bare feet was lush, and the bed was soft and king-sized. At home they made do with a double because nothing else would fit in their room, so this was a treat, exactly as Jess had told her it would be. Nighttime at home had become all about dim light, hushed voices, and babies’ cries. But now here they were, Clara and her husband, who hadn’t really had an actual conversation in two years.
They pulled down the weighted duvet and crawled into the big bed from separate sides, then moved towards each other from what felt like a long distance.
She said, “Here you are.” She was so tired her eyes were closed already, but she wanted to be close to Nick, to savour this moment when it was just the two of them. Falling asleep straightaway would be a waste.
He moved away and she heard the click as he turned off the bedside lamp. It was warm under the duvet, which was nice because the AC was on full blast and the house was freezing. Nick was warm too, and he cuddled up close to her.
“So you want another baby,” he said.
She shook him off a bit. “Not right now,” she said.
“You were goading her.”
“A bit,” she said. She kissed his shoulder. “Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Want another baby.”
He was quiet. Then he said, “We don’t even know if we could.”
“But if it happened?”
“If it happened it would happen.”
“It would be crazy.”
“So you weren’t just taking the piss.”
“I was, a little,” she said. She rolled onto her back. “I like having babies. I love it. I’d keep having them over and over so there was always at least one. Big kids are so much more complicated. Less portable.”
“Especially when there are three.”
She nodded. “It’s not rational, I know,” she said. “But what’s rational about wanting a baby at all?”
“It’s about survival, I guess,” Nick said. “Perpetuating the species.”
“But on a practical level,” she said. “It’s madness. And I kind of love the madness.”
He kissed her on the forehead. “And I love you.”
“Then you’re mad,” she said.
“Don’t I know it.” He said, “You’re sure you don’t want to make a baby tonight?”
She rolled away from him. “With a bed this big, we could sleep in different time zones.”
He moved towards her. “I like our bed,” he said. “Our bed where my feet hang off the end. That’s madness too.”
