“At least there’s room for all of us,” Jess said. “Might have been tricky to accommodate five kids in those bunkbeds.”
“It was a nice place,” said Adam. “I think. It was a thousand years ago. I can barely remember.”
“We were babies,” said Jess.
“And Bella was so little,” said Clara. “You were a maniac. I had no idea.”
“It ends,” said Jess. “The mania. I thought it never would. I thought I’d be locked in that upside-down chaos, where day was night and the neediness was unrelenting. It really felt like life-or-death sometimes. And I thought it would stay like that forever.”
“But one day they start sleeping,” said Adam. “I have no idea how it happens, but they do, and there’s no more diapers, and it all becomes more manageable. The problemsthemselves become more complicated, but you deal with it.”
“It ends,” Jess repeated.
Clara said, “But what if I don’t want it to?” She sipped pink lemonade from a beer glass. “I don’t know,” she said. “It doesn’t seem all that bad to me. Everything they need, I can give. It’s so easy. It’s never going to be so simple again.”
“But you get yourself back,” said Jess.
Nick returned now with Pauly in his arms and dumped her in Clara’s lap. Case in point. “I’ve never been more myself in my entire life,” Clara said, pulling up her shirt and opening the clasp on her nursing bra. The good thing about twins was that they kept things symmetrical.
“You’ll see,” said Jess. “When the girls are bigger. It’s like discovering the world all over again. It’s all out there, and you can suddenly do anything.”
“Maybe,” said Clara. “But I’m not ready yet.” Nick took her glass and placed it on the table, because she was now immobile with the sucking toddler slung across her middle.
“How long are you planning to keep breastfeeding?” Jess asked, blunt now.
“We’ll be finished when we’re finished,” Clara said. It was too easy to bait Jess.
“But like, not until they’re in kindergarten. They’re already old enough to walk up and just ask for it.”
Clara said, “What’s wrong with that?”
“It’s weird.” Jess shrugged.
“For whom?” Clara asked.
Adam said, “Now, now.”
“It’s honestly practical,” Clara said. “I might not still be breastfeeding Lu if I didn’t have the twins. But since I’m breastfeeding some of them, why not all of them?”
“But soon you’ll be done with babies,” said Jess.
And Clara said, “Maybe not?”
“Seriously?” Jess was flabbergasted.
“Sure,” said Clara, smiling.
“No. Come on.” Clara just shrugged, so Jess looked around the room. “Nick? Tell me she’s kidding.”
Nick just looked sheepish. He’d already finished one beer and was on his second. It had been years since he’d had this much fun. The poor guy didn’t get out much.
Clara said, “Why should I be kidding?”
“Because there comes a point,” said Jess, “when you know you’re done.”
“I’ve heard some people say that,” said Clara.
“You have three kids already!”
