Logan laughs. “The reality is happy feelings won’t last forever. But what does?”
“So with that logic… if the good doesn’t last forever, then that means the negative feelings won’t either, doesn’t it?” I ask pointedly.
He narrows his eyes at me, understanding right away what I’m getting at. “Fair enough. That’s… yeah.”
I check the car’s temperature, which has stayed at eighty this entire conversation. Even after I mentioned it.
“I feel good about the interviews I’ve done,” I say without being prompted, answering his earlier question for real. Though I do still have team interviews. “We’ll see what ends up happening. I still might not get the job.”
Clearly, I can’t help myself.
“Regardless of what happens, though, you’re happy with how you handled it?” Logan asks.
“Actually, yeah. I am.” I prepared. I had solid answers. I gave my very best.
Admitting this is like shedding an invisible weight. A sense of comfort courses through me, and I feel compelled to say more. I reach for whatever comes to mind first.
“I feel good that I was able to help my brother. I even feel good about that painting I made of you.” This next one’s easy. “I feel good about celebrating my birthday.”
“You mean acknowledging?” Logan asks.
“That night was a celebration if I’ve ever seen one.”
I get a ripple-smile for that comment.
“I feel good about being here with you. Even though we’re on our way to Maine. To meet your family,” I say.
Logan laughs. “Stranger things have happened in the past month.”
That is so true.
Turns out, I feel good about a lot of things. And nothing can take away what I’ve just spoken out loud. Contentment bubbles up through my center. Every time I’m with Logan, this is how I feel. I almost dare to imagine a future where every day could be like this.
I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but I’ve burst open the dam of positive feelings, and now they’re all rushing toward me. I expect them to topple me sideways with their velocity. Send me tumbling into the deep end. After a few long, agonizing seconds, that’s not what happens.
Instead, the deluge of emotions lifts me up. I get to ride this wave. And it’s not excruciating.
It’s exhilarating.
So I continue to linger in this moment. Push it a little further. “What if I said I could see a future with you in it?” I ask.
Yeah. I’ve definitely gotten ahead of myself. Logan and I have known each other only a short while. It’s too soon to be saying stuff like that. I jumped to our future, and we’re still just trying to get through the present. And now we’re stuck in a car together for another four hours.
But Logan’s beaming from the driver’s seat, his grin big andgoofy and just so, so happy. He looks at me like I’ve hung the daytime moon. The one that requires an extra second to find it, like it’s a special sighting that needs to be earned. The one we see when we least expect it.
“I predict that we’d be happy, even though sometimes we’d be sad, too,” he says. “But we’d have each other. And together, I think we could get through anything.”
When he says this, it feels true. Even in four and a half weeks, we’ve gone through so much. But I haven’t bolted. And Logan has only been a steady presence.
I feel the smile grow on my lips. I hope I’m reflecting how he’s looking at me. I want him to feel what he makes me feel.
I spoke my happiness out loud, and it was returned. When I glance out toward the gray clouds, they’re still there. We have a ways to go before we reach them, though.
Until we do, I’m going to enjoy the sunshine.
Logan flicks on the turn signal and takes the next exit.
We’re now straying from the directions on his phone. “Are we out of gas already?” I ask.
