I hold strong. “I hope you do, but that doesn’t change any of this.”
Dad’s voice takes an accusatory turn. “What’s gotten into you? You’re being reckless.”
No. Reckless would be giving Dad and Jerry more money.
“This way you can live somewhere more manageable. You didn’t have a choice in inheriting the house,” I say, trying to come from a place of compassion. “You can have a choice now.”
“Nothing about this feels like a choice,” Dad says. “If you really want to help, you’ll give us some of that money. You used to want to spend thousands on fixing up this piece of shit house, and now you won’t even help your living, breathing family.” He scoffs bitterly.
He’s not listening.
“It’s all I can do right now. And Jerry, I know about your legs.”
Now it’s Jerry’s turn to curse. He says something to Dad that I can’t hear. “Hazel, I seriously did hurt them,” he says. “I swear, I did.”
“I know you did. But they weren’t broken. They also didn’t costnearly as much as you claimed they did,” I say. “You lied to me. And you tried to use me. That’s not okay.”
It’s not okay to be treated like this.
“Your brother was hurt, Hazel,” Dad says. “Have some heart.”
“Where did you even get those photos, Jerry?” I ask. “Google?”
He’s quiet, which gives me my answer.
I focus on Logan’s bookshelf tree, the rows of colorful spines. I remind myself that it’s okay to be upset. That if I want to cry, I can. I’m allowed to feel my way through this call. I didn’t come into this thinking it’d be easy.
“You won’t be getting any more money from me,” I tell him, my core twisting into more knots.
“You’re cutting me off?” Jerry asks.
“I’m not your parent. Or your bank. Or your fiduciary,” I say, any last remaining wobbles in my voice steadying into something more forceful. I’ve played fair with them my whole life. I’ve been living too much in the past, helping Dad and Jerry. Playing the role I always have. “You can get a job, and you can make your own money.”
Jerry whines. “It’s hard to find remote work.”
I shake my head at my phone. “Then maybe it’s time to find somewhere to live that’s more permanent. You could—” I stop myself. “You’ll have to figure that out.”
“Is this because of the legs thing?” Jerry asks. “Look, I’m sorry. I had a lot of credit card debt, okay? I think you’d agree that I couldn’t sell the van. That’s how I make my living. Please don’t punish Dad for what I did.”
“Punish?” I repeat. “What I do with that money isn’t about any of you. I get to make my own choices.”
Before, I never had the option to choose. Or maybe I had the option all along, but I didn’t feel like I did.
“So you’re just going to abandon us?” Dad asks.
For a few long seconds, time loses its shape. I recognize this as the moment when I’d go numb. Try to detach. Not have to feel how horrible this is. But I do feel how horrible this is. And for the first time ever, I say something about it.
“If anyone on this call has been abandoned, it’s me,” I say, my voice firm. “I’ve spent my entire life paying for it and then some. I won’t be used or bullied or manipulated anymore.”
I glance at Logan, who’s glaring at my phone. He looks furious, his jaw set and eyes dark. Like if he could take my phone and throw it out the window, he would do it in a heartbeat.
“Your mother would be so disappointed,” Dad spits out.
Logan’s eyes catch mine, and they soften around the edges. He shakes his head. “She wouldn’t be. Not even a little,” he whispers, pulling me into his arms. For the first time ever, I feel like I can handle the anger inside of me. The lows are suddenly bearable with his simple loving gesture.
Feeling my way through this gives me a new realization. Mom wouldn’t want this for me. For any of us. And I don’t think Mom would be disappointed in me. I think she’d be disappointed in Dad and Jerry. But I don’t have to fight cruelty with cruelty. I can still have compassion and be firm in my decisions.
“I’m not calling to negotiate,” I say. “These are my offers. You can take them or not. Up to you.”
