“I’m sayingweare,” he says, biting his bottom lip. “From above, it’s easy to romanticize us being together. But the closer we get, the more I start to see our failure points. When you really break down how we’d be together, the messiness shows. We’ll rarely be in the same city. The closer we get to launch, the less time there will be for each other.”
“What you’re saying actually sounds longer than just waiting a few months to figure things out,” I say. “You’re afraid to believe in fate and admit that you can’t control everything. The thing about control, Jack, is that you never really have it. Control is an illusion to help you feel a little bit better about the chaos that is life.”
Jack grimaces. “What I’m scared of, Rooney, is that I will love you so much that, if we go any further just to not end up together, I’d never recover.”
“I’d never recover if we didn’t try at all.”
Jack rips a receipt from his wallet into little shreds. They fall like snow from his fingers.
“We’re bound. I know you can feel it, too,” I add. I’m trying so hard to hang on, but the thread between us is pulled so tight, it might snap.
Jack sighs sadly. “I would choose you every single day of the week for the rest of my life. You should want to be with me because it’s something you choose for yourself. Not fate. Not some thread. You’re looking for something bigger, more meaningful. And I don’t think a simple choice is enough for you.”
I stare at the mound of paper in front of Jack. “I’m scared that love isn’t enough. Just like making the choice to be with somebody, you can make the choice not to be with somebody. What’s the difference?” My tears catch in my throat. “I know choices may give you the comfort of a plan, but even plans aren’t always dependable. We’re being pulled together by something stronger than a choice you or I could ever make, don’t you see? We’re meant to be together. It was never a choice.”
“But you can’t prove that. And neither can I,” Jack says. “Sure, dark matter can’t be detected, but it also doesn’t directly affect my heart. You, Rooney, you do.”
I shake my head in protest and pull my sleeves over my hands. “You can’t stand that testing fate worked.”
“Those were choices that we made,” he says. “A literal test.”
“They were choices guided by fate.”
The sundaes between us are now warm, melted sugar and dairy soups. Overhead, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” blares. A new wave of cinnamon drifts our way as cocktail shakers continue to rattle. Somehow, the world around us still spins.
“If you’re such a nonbeliever, I’ll prove that you’re my stringmate,” I say with conviction. “I’ll show you the Fate Note I pulled. I know the note I grabbed is yours.”
Jack frowns. “What? How do you even know I put one in?”
“Because I know you. You wouldn’t have taken one without giving one. You think you got one on me, Jack,” I say, digging into mypouch for the Fate Note that I pulled. I slap the note onto the table and slide it over to him.
Jack unfolds the note and reads it. He blinks rapidly, his eyes glossy under his lashes.
I knew it.
“I told you, Jack,” I say.
He reads the note out loud. “One day we’ll be surfing on Mars.”
I point to it. “There you have it. Mars. It’s right there.”
Jack runs his hand down his face and shakes his head.
I gesture to the note in his hands. “You don’t need to draw this out for dramatic effect. It’s yours. Tell me that it’s yours.”
His eyes flit from the note up to me.
“Just admit that it’s yours, Jack,” I press on.
A single tear rolls down his cheek.
Jack slides the note back to me and shakes his head once more. “I guess fate had other plans.”
We sit there quietly, the void between us continuing to expand. And there’s nothing either of us can do about it.
Chapter 29
JACK
