“How do you feel about it?” I ask.
My question seems to catch her off guard. “It was lonely sometimes,” she says. “JR’s identity was never a mystery to me, but I don’t know the man. He wasn’t involved. It was always me and Mom. I had a lot of independence at a young age, especially when Mom was working, even though I’d be with her on location. My childhood was a blur of new cities, paintbrushes and oil paints, and galleries and museums. We were always on the move, but that made us close.”
Rooney looks up at the leaves on a tree branch and adds, “Mom had me, but she also lives so much of her life independently. It’s one of the reasons why the Red Thread of Fate is important to me. Because of it, I never felt alone. I always knew that I was connected to someone out in the world, and that thought comforted me. It still does.”
I nod. “As a kid, when my parents were on the go, I felt like I was spinning in place.”
“Maybe it’s all that spinning that kept you together,” she says thoughtfully. “Like if the world stopped spinning, everything would go flying into chaos, right?”
What she doesn’t know is that all I wanted was to have time stand still. Just like I did that night in New York. Just like I do right now.
“I experimented with different ways to keep my parents with me,” I share. “I started getting in trouble at school. Speaking out to teachers, cracking jokes in the middle of class.”
Rooney raises her eyebrows. “You strategically planned out ways to get what you wanted? I’m impressed.”
“Experiments made me feel in control. They made sense. There’sa cause and an effect. I could hypothesize something and make it work. Except with my parents, it seems.”
“Parents are hard to change,” she says. “My mom is so confident in her beliefs, and she doesn’t have regrets. I admire the way she refuses to diminish or devalue her work. Which experiments of yours worked?”
“Getting in trouble at school got their attention. But what really made them notice was when I did well,” I share. “Getting good grades. Being well behaved. Studying hard. Advancing in my career.”
Rooney nods her head slowly.
“I’ll feel bad if I sound like I’m complaining. Is that how I sound?” I say. “I’m really grateful. My parents weren’t neglectful. I had everything I needed. Maybe I would’ve liked a pet. But they paid for all of my education and hobbies.”
“It sounds like you needed more from them emotionally,” she says, seeming to fully understanding where I’m coming from. “That’s a need, too.”
I nod. “Yeah, you could be right. The cosmos was my space blanket. It protected me when I felt vulnerable. How’s that for a figure of speech?”
Rooney maintains an even expression, but her eyes are playful. “They’re not your strongest skill,” she admits. “But I can see how the vast emptiness of the universe would make you feel safe.”
I try to mirror her neutrality. “Exactly. You know, with its lack of oxygen, balls of gas, and black holes.”
Rooney lets her grin grow.
“Though there are many unknowns, there are also a few things that are for certain. The universe is constantly expanding,” I add, counting off on my fingers. “Faster than predicted, in fact.”
“Excellent,” Rooney says.
“One day the world will end,” I tell her.
“I’ll be sleeping well tonight.”
“And every night, no matter what happens in the day, the moon is always right where it should be in the sky.”
A gasp escapes from Rooney’s lips. “That was really beautiful,” she says, placing her hand gently on my shoulder. I can feel her warmth through my sweater.
I can’t stop the grin that spreads on my own face.
That’s when a monarch flies straight at us, disrupting the moment between us.
“Come on, let’s go try to find that poisonous butterfly,” I say, extending my elbow. “And then we can go return the ID.”
Rooney nods, patting her bag where she’s put the lost object. “Right. The ID. That’s why we’re here, after all.”
She loops her arm through mine. We walk together slowly, tiptoeing around and dodging butterflies, on a mission to find one that looks like rice paper.
Chapter 18
