“… that’s Andrew Perrault.”
“Do you hear what he did to his hand last year?”
“… I heard—”
“Oh my God, as inDove’sbrother?”
In his mouth, the forest flourished. Mud ground between his teeth, and he could feel damp leaves pasted to the back of his throat.
All he could see was Thomas, expression raw and hopeful.
Andrew, you’re beautiful.
The boy who loved no one lovedhim.
His explanation about being asexual had been a mess. But it wasn’t fair how he had one shot at coming out, at explaining himself, and if he tangled the words, then it was somehow his fault.
“Andrew? Hey?Hey.Look at me.”
Fingers snapped in front of his face and he inhaled so sharp it hurt. He hadn’t been breathing.
“I need Dove.” His voice shook with the effort to keep his voice level, to not sound like he was having a panic attack. “I need to talk to her. I-I-I have to.”
Lana exchanged a look with Chloe, both their expressions pinched. He was not theirs to deal with, and they owed himnothing, but the people he depended on had left him. They’d left him and they didn’t care and he needed someone.
His vision blurred.
“Do you want to call your dad?” Lana said slowly.
He swallowed. “No. It’s—I’m fine. It doesn’t matter. Did Thomas leave a sketchbook in Dove’s stuff?”
She looked startled. “Actually, yes. I was going to throw it out, but hadn’t gotten around to it.”
“Can I have it?”
“Sure… Are you okay?”
Andrew couldn’t look at her. “I’m fine.”
“Because you’re totally not having a panic attack right now.” Lana glanced over his shoulder for the familiar shadow that should be tethered to Andrew’s heels but wasn’t there. “Was Thomas being a prick?”
He said he loved me and then he called me a coward.
“Did they kiss?” Andrew had no idea how he was forcing the words out. “Thomas and Dove? He said it’scomplicated.”
Lana hesitated. “I hate agreeing with him, but yeah, it is complicated. They were disasters about a lot of stuff. I shouldn’t say this, but also what the hell—Dove told me she used to think Thomas fought with people he liked because that’s how he knew to get attention. But not with you. She told me, ‘Andrew is his safe space. He is forever gentle for Andrew.’” Her eyes narrowed. “Is he pressuring you about anything? Because I will beat him up.”
“I think,” Andrew whispered, “it sucks to be ace.”
“I think,” Lana said, “the world sucks for making you feel that way.”
“I need to talk to her.” He pressed his palms against his eyes so hard that white stars burned behind his lids. “She was so angry at me, and I-I-I don’t understand. And now she’s abandoned me when I need her. Why is she doing this? We’re twins. Ineedher.”
He started toward the girls’ dorms again, but Lana shoved him back. He was taller, but she felt stronger.
“Getting expelled won’t help,” Lana said. “You need to calm down. Now, listen. Chloe and I are late for GSA, but we’re not leaving you alone like this, so guess what? You’re coming, too. You can sit in the back, you don’t have to participate.” He started to shake his head, but she cut him off. “Or I’ll take you to the nurse and she calls your dad. You are clearly not okay.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice still sounded wrong. Inside out.Drowned.He was drowning in front of everyone. “This is stupid and I’m messing up your plans. I’ll go—”
