He suddenly felt the phantom sensation of Royce’s crinkly windbreaker against his face as he’d leaned in, hoping for a bit of emotional support from a friend. If he’d had any sense at all, he wouldn’t have become close enough to consider his boss a friend. The idea that Royce never had been, despite coming to Cosmo’s funeral, to birthday parties, to his rescue whenever Zedd showed up, dumped a sour sickness into his gut and made him feel both oblivious and stupid. He knew he needed to give himself some grace; he would never call another person stupid for ending up in a situation where someone violated them. He needed to be kinder to himself. But that feeling of guilt that he’d brought this upon himself, that maybe he deserved it, wasso loudthat it was difficult to drown out.
The director tapped at the keyboard, and Cosmo eyed the wedding band on his finger. “You’re married?”
“Hm? Yes.”
“Happily?”
Clarence frowned. “Is this your idea of small talk?”
“Are you queer?”
A flush crawled up the director’s neck and he sputtered. “Are you hitting on me? I don’t have anything against people like you, but I’m straight. And happily married. I find your questions very unbecoming and would prefer you don’t ask things like that again.”
“I’m not hitting on you.” Cosmo brushed curls from his eyes and folded his arms. “I just wanted to make sure that– I’ll feel better if – if you aren’t interested in me.”
“Why would that…” Clarence turned his attention back to the monitor. “Right. You’ll find that unlikesomegalleries, we’re capable of conducting ourselves in a professional, sexual harassment-free manner.”
He knew. Somehow, he knew what had happened. Maybe the whole gallery did.
Cosmo suddenly felt like someone had peeled open his chest and exposed every dirty thing that made him up. “May I take a short break to smoke?”
“This isn’t the time.”
“Then may I use the restroom?”
“Which is it you need to do? Smoke or use the restroom?”
Cosmo clenched his jaw. Neither one would get rid of the cramp in his stomach, but he couldn’t stand here a second longer. “Please.”
Clarence sighed. “Five minutes.”
Striding around the counter, Cosmo hurried past exhibits, pushed through the bathroom door and locked himself in a stall. He leaned against the side and squeezed his eyes shut. Nothing was wrong. The gallery was beautiful, Simone was kind, and Clarence was offended by the mere suggestion of him being queer.
And if everyone here knew what had happened between Cosmo and Royce, that wasn’t any more awkward than having a public argument with Zedd or sleeping with someone once and running into them at a party weeks later.
Everything was fine. Even so, abandoning this job to go home and take a scalding shower was tempting. What were the odds that Clarence would believe theirnewregistrar had appendicitis too?
His phone jingled with notifications:m.wildsmith tagged you in a post. m.wildsmith commented: “For you, my love, I would…”
Oh, Micah. The ache in Cosmo’s stomach soothed a little as he swiped open Flashbulb and tapped on the comment. His laugh bounced through the empty restroom. Micah would pull on wet socks for Cosmo, would he? How dreadful. Clearly there was no lover who would sacrifice more.
Simone’s voice carried into the restroom. “Cosmo, are you okay?”
He tucked the phone away and left the stall. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? I’d like to come in, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Gender is a construct. And I’m fully clothed. You can come in.” He stopped before the mirror and smoothed rebellious strands of hair.
She peeked inside, then walked up to the sink. She reminded Cosmo of a much curvier version of Grace Jones, and whether in the gallery or in a bathroom she looked like an art piece herself. “You’re feeling ill?”
“The only thing making me ill is that people here know my dirty laundry.”
She frowned, heavy crystal earrings wagging on her lobes. “Clarence is a busybody.”
“How unbecoming.”
“Your reasons for leaving Identical Dog shouldn’t be anyone’s business, and I’ll talk to Clarence about feeding the rumor mill. If you have any more issues with him, please text me. I want you to be comfortable here.”
